IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people focus on news in their country, while others think it is more important to be aware of international news. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #focus #news #country
There are controversial perspectives heading a debate over the importance of paying attention to the
news
.
While
 each has its own redeeming feature, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned elements. Without a shadow of a doubt paying attention to the
country
's
news
 assists them to understand and have more knowledge about our
country
. The explanation for
this
 could be that when you spend time watching your
country
's information
that is
 on air on TV you can comprehend more about the nation’s status currently. To be more particular, My grandfather always takes time to watch the
country
’s
news
 on television at 7p.m every day and he is comparatively knowledgeable about the situation in the nation.
Thus
, utilizing time to focus on national
news
 is the best way to know more about our
country
.
On the other hand
, caring more about international
news
 is one of the best ways to have a piece of knowledge about the world, you can know how the world acts and operates. It might be because when you follow another
country
’s
news
 you can update the global matter and have a measure to avoid it .To be more specific, in the COVID-19 pandemic, international
news
 is the information
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
show examples
 for our
country
 to
up to date
Correct your spelling
update
show examples
 how the world is and have the best way to solve it.
Hence
, watching international
news
 helps people update the everyday
news
 easily. In conclusion, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
focus on the
country
’s or international
news
 have their own benefit.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Introduction clarity
Ensure your introduction clearly introduces the topic and previews the main points you will discuss. While your introduction mentions the topic, it could more effectively outline the specific views you will explore.
Sentence Variety & Linking Words
Use a wider range of sentence structures and transitions to improve flow and coherence. While your essay has a basic structure, varying your sentence types and using more sophisticated linking words can enhance readability and cohesion.
Evidence & Explanation
Develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. You provided some examples, but more specificity and depth would make your arguments more persuasive and complete.
Conclusion Strength
In your conclusion, clearly restate your opinion and summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs. Your conclusion mentions your view briefly, but emphasizing it more clearly would strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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