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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #money #education #computers #teachers
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Nowadays it has been
noticing
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noticed
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 that some revolutionary changes
has
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have
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 happened in our educational system.People spent
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 amount of their income to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the requirements of their
children'
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children's
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 education purpose. Many people think that
,
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apply
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 it is necessary to
spent
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spend
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 cash on personal computers and
on the other hand
Linking Words
 some believe to spent with their
tutours
Correct your spelling
tutors
.I will discuss my
view points
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viewpoints
show examples
 regarding
this
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 subject in the following paragraphs. As mentioned earlier, information technology has a great impact on the education system.Computers and associated gadgets are beneficial for
the
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apply
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school assignments,project works and presentations.
Moreover
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, it allows
as
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us
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 to access any kind of information,at
anytime
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any time
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by
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with
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 a single touch.
For example
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,in
Canada
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,Canada
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 recent survey showed
that
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apply
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a hike in
number
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a number
the number
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 of
students
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 using systems and thereby,
10
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a 10
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percentage
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percent
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 increase in their
overall
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 success.So it is comprehensive that spending money on
computer
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computers
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 and other
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 can be advantageous to our educational achievements. In
contraray
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contrast
, the efforts of
teachers
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 should be appreciated.
In addition
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,they play a vital role in shaping the
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
show examples
 future and their support to acquire knowledge is highly demanding.Compared with previous years,tutors are getting
marginazed
Correct your spelling
marginalised
.To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, in 2023 ,12000
teachers
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 lost their jobs as the new invention replace the
teachers
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.
Hence
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, funding for their growth could be indebted to enhance their
overall
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 growth. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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 both of them are essential for the
students
Use synonyms
 to their physical and mental development.When
teachers
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 help them to provide mental strength with the knowledge their
limitation
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limitations
show examples
 can be solved by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artificial intelligence.So it is important to keep them both for
the
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a
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 successful career.
To sum up
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, spending money will be beneficial regardless,
if
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of
show examples
Correct word choice
whether it's
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it's
Unnecessary verb
it
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 is
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
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with
Change preposition
on
show examples
Add an article
a computer
the computer
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 or with the
teachers
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.Rules
has
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have
show examples
 to
Add a missing verb
be modified
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modified
Change the verb
modify
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 as our country grows, so the government has to make some
intiative
Correct your spelling
initiative
 steps to develop the education system in a better way to nurture
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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innovative
students
Use synonyms
,thereby a great future.
Submitted by mails4liya on

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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