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Band 6

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003-2012.

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003-2012.
#changes #place #three #areas #crime #newport #city #centre
The line graph indicates the changing rates of crime in the inner city from 2003 to 2012 by
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of incidents.
Overall
,
burglary
 was the highest in 2012, but
robbery
 was the lowest.
Moreover
,
burglary
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
plummeted from 2005 until 2008.
To begin
 with 2003, the crime occurred by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
burglary
 at 3500
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 maximum point
while
robbery
 was the lowest at 500.
Moreover
,
car
theft
 was at 3000 which is lower than
burglary
 by a few. Next 2 years,
burglary
 had oscillated at 3000, but
car
theft
 and
robbery
 rose
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by a little. In 2006,
burglary
,
car
theft
, and
robbery
 had declined
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 500, 700, and 100 respectively.
The
Correct article usage
Burglary
show examples
burglary
 had plummeted to 1000
while
car
theft
 fluctuated
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2000 and
robbery
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
hit a low at 500 in 2008.
Next,
every crime
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
moved up especially
burglary
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 increased to 1500 and had been
stabled
Replace the word
stable
show examples
 until 2011 and it was reduced again in 2012.
Finally
,
robbery
 and
car
theft
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
oscillated and grew
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
 year at 600 and 2700 respectively.
Submitted by phirayapimp on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words burglary, robbery, car, theft with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "plummeted" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "oscillated" was used 2 times.
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