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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003-2012.

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003-2012.
#changes #place #three #areas #crime #newport #city #centre
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The line graph indicates the changing rates of crime in the inner city from 2003 to 2012 by
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of incidents.
Overall
Linking Words
,
burglary
Use synonyms
 was the highest in 2012, but
robbery
Use synonyms
 was the lowest.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
burglary
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
plummeted from 2005 until 2008.
To begin
Linking Words
 with 2003, the crime occurred by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
burglary
Use synonyms
 at 3500
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 maximum point
while
Linking Words
robbery
Use synonyms
 was the lowest at 500.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
car
Use synonyms
theft
Use synonyms
 was at 3000 which is lower than
burglary
Use synonyms
 by a few. Next 2 years,
burglary
Use synonyms
 had oscillated at 3000, but
car
Use synonyms
theft
Use synonyms
 and
robbery
Use synonyms
 rose
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by a little. In 2006,
burglary
Use synonyms
,
car
Use synonyms
theft
Use synonyms
, and
robbery
Use synonyms
 had declined
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 500, 700, and 100 respectively.
The
Correct article usage
Burglary
show examples
burglary
Use synonyms
 had plummeted to 1000
while
Linking Words
car
Use synonyms
theft
Use synonyms
 fluctuated
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2000 and
robbery
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
hit a low at 500 in 2008.
Next,
Linking Words
every crime
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
moved up especially
burglary
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 increased to 1500 and had been
stabled
Replace the word
stable
show examples
 until 2011 and it was reduced again in 2012.
Finally
Linking Words
,
robbery
Use synonyms
 and
car
Use synonyms
theft
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
oscillated and grew
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 year at 600 and 2700 respectively.
Submitted by phirayapimp on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words burglary, robbery, car, theft with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "plummeted" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "oscillated" was used 2 times.
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