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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by british parents on their children sports between 2008 and 2014.The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by british parents on their children sports between 2008 and 2014.The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in britain over the same time period.
#first #information #money #british #parents #children #sports #second #three #britain #time #period
The line graph depicts the information regarding the amount spent by parents in Britain between 2008 and 2014.The
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 graph reveals the
number
 of
juveniles
 who took part in three different
sports
.The data is calibrated in pounds and millions.
Overall
,the maximum amount was spent in 2014 as compared to other years
whereas
 the maximum
juveniles
Correct quantifier usage
number of juveniles
show examples
 took part in football whilst to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two
sports
. At a fleeting glance,in 2008 minimum expenditure was spent by the parents which was 20 pounds as compared to other years.In 2014,expenditure which was spent on the children for different
sports
 was
eleveted
Correct your spelling
elevated
 which was approximately 35 pounds.
Moreover
, a large proportion of
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 was spent in 2012
in contrast
 to
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2010. Probing ahead, in 2014
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
number
 of
juveniles
 participated in football as compared to other
sports
.In 2010,the
number
 of
juveniles
 start
escalated
Change the verb form
to escalate
show examples
 in Athletics which was almost 2
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.In 2012,less
number
 of children took part in Swimming in comparison to Athletics which was 5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
In addition
,the interest of
juveniles
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 slightly
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 in 2010 in football.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, juveniles, sports with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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