IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Music
 is something
that is
 popular everywhere in the world
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 has been in existence
centuries
Change preposition
for centuries
show examples
 ago and
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 relevance has never
reduced
Add a missing verb
been reduced
show examples
. Some individuals are of the view that
music
 plays a significant part in bringing varieties of cultures and age groups together. I strongly agree totally with
this
 take that in order to bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 closer together as
one
, we would have to count on
music
. Songs carry messages, in
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
one
 can not create a melody without lyrics as it makes up a greater portion of the whole masterpiece. When a song is being played on the radio, we tend to get drawn to what is being said because the information tells a story that has meaning. Artists are able to pass on their unique traditions where
people
 get to listen and pick the meanings, it's a
way
 of passing on the ideas about the creator's culture. So
this
way
, listeners come to understand and appreciate what they have heard.
For instance
, if Europeans listen to "Afrobeats" which is a genre of
music
 by West Africans they get to know about how West Africans
way
 of living.
Also
,
people
's
music
 taste is easily influenced, both young and adults follow trending song just because it sounds nice. New technologies like TikTok mashed
music
 to travel far and wide and it makes different countries hear about other countries. If there was nothing like
music
, I don't believe
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 diversities and acceptance would exist. As a
way
 of promoting
music
,
music
 events and concerts bring individuals from corners of the earth to a particular destination, they get to meet and mingle with numerous
people
.
Additionally
, communication and bonding take place between
people
,
travelling
Correct word choice
and travelling
show examples
 to these
music
 festivals gets the opportunity to tour and learn about the countries.
For example
, a global
music
 festival was held in France recently which featured different age groups and diversities of creatives from Africa, America, Europe and others, they all joined at
one
 place to have fun together as
one
.
To sum up
, I can argue that
music
 is a good method of promoting traditions and bringing
people
 together as it sends messages across and
also
 promotes interracial relationships and harmony.
Submitted by obdemawuena on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: