IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace them with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

History tells us what has happened before our time. One of the things that
give
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gives
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 us a great understanding of how local communities lived
are
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is
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 historic
buildings
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and
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, and
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 as
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such
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such,
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 we should try to preserve our heritage at all costs. I believe that replacing
such
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 artefacts can be detrimental to societies. The destruction of historic
buildings
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 can cause a major loss of history. The construction of a building gives an insight into the daily lives and activities that took place there.
For instance
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, the Colosseum in Rome tells us that it was a site where battles took place between champions
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as
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, as
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 well as the bathhouses, in the city of Bath, showing how the British folk took to bathing. Destroying these establishments would erase
such
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 knowledge
,
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.
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Additionally
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, maybe even the identity of a community.  These days
the
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, the
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 modern look is in. People no longer want an outdated style
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, this
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this
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which
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 extends to architecture
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as
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; as
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 a
result
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result,
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 sites that hold historic value are in danger.
Controversially
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Controversially,
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 I
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, however
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however
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however,
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 think that the modernisation of
buildings
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 lacks character and wipes away the storytelling these older
buildings
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 give
as
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. As
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 a
solution
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solution,
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 the
buildings
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 just need to install modern amenities.
For example
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, air conditioning allows visitors to cool down and explore structures. Charging ports
allows
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allow
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 the public to power up the devices for memorable Pictures. These slight changes allow more foot traffic.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, I do not agree that places that have historic meaning should be replaced just up-kept so that people
could
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can
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 still visit to appreciate and gain wisdom.

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content
Fix the facts. Colosseum is in Rome, not Bath. The text says Bath as a site of the Colosseum, which is wrong. Check facts for each example.
structure
Make a short intro with your view and plan. Then two body parts, each with one main idea. End with a short sum up.
grammar
Make clear sentences. Some long lines are hard to read. Break long ideas into two sentences. Use a full stop to end each idea.
cohesion
Keep one idea per paragraph. For each point, add a real reason or example to back it up.
style
Use simple and common words. Write as you would say in a test. Keep a calm tone.
task response
You state your view clearly and keep it through the essay.
coherence
You use examples to back up your idea of keeping old buildings.
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