IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#smoker #places
Passive smoking has been known to cause serious health problems .
As a result
, many
people
 believe that smoking should be prohibited in public areas .
Although
 there are strong arguments on both views,
however
, in my ,perspective it is crucial to make public smoking illegal. Pro-smoking groups argue that everyone has a right to determine what sort of habits they want to include in their routine.
Moreover
, it is believed
by
Change preposition
that
show examples
 them that passive smokers choose to inhale their
smoke
 as
otherwise
 they can easily avoid visiting smoking-friendly places.
For example
, there are many shopping centres and other entertainment places where smoking is prohibited that could be used as an alternative to avoid exposure to
smoke
.
In addition
, the ban on smoking is considered by them as a violation of their civil liberties as every individual should have the freedom to
smoke
 wherever they wish.
Nonetheless
, the interest and health of the majority should be prioritised over that of a small fraction of
people
.
On the other hand
, those against the argument emphasize the fact that tobacco contains carcinogenic and injurious compounds which can lead to life-threatening cancers
such
 as lung cancer and mouth cancer.
Therefore
, it is absolutely unfair to impose
such
 ailments on
people
 who
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not even have control over what they inhale.
Consequently
, these diseases not only cause physical stress but
also
 financial constraints owing to incredibly expensive treatment costs.
For example
, many
people
 in Pakistan die on a daily basis
due to
 cancer just because they are unable to afford the treatment. In conclusion, I would again restate that public smoking should be strongly discouraged by making separate enclosed smoking areas and penalising those who choose to
smoke
 out in public.
This
 will ensure a safe and healthy environment for everyone.
Submitted by raha.filza100 on

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task response
Provide a clear and consistent stance at the beginning of the essay and maintain it throughout.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and cohesive devices to improve the flow and organization of ideas.
lexical resource
Demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and with more variety.
grammatical range
Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures and more complex grammatical forms to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical range.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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