In some parts of the world, people are living to an older age than they used to. Some people say that this causes problems but others say that an ageing population has advantages for business, for government and for society in general. Discuss both views and give your own option.

People today are living longer than ever before
due to
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advances in healthcare, nutrition, and living standards.
While
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some believe that
this
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trend
benefits
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society, others argue that it creates serious challenges for governments, businesses, and communities. From my perspective,
although
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there are some advantages, the
aging
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ageing
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population poses significant
problems
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that outweigh the
benefits
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. On the one hand, there are significant
benefits
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to having senior citizens in the government, work offices, and other places where they play a crucial role in the development of the country. One of the keys, is vast
experience
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and knowledge in many areas,
while
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today’s young generations struggle with a lack of knowledge and
experience
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. Take an example: businesses or educational centers offer individuals who have a wealth of
experience
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, as they can easily find solutions to many
problems
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in a short time,
while
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it is taking a lot of time for new employees.
Furthermore
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, seniors who are active often participate in volunteer work, contribute to charities, and remain engaged in social activities, which helps build stronger communities. From a government perspective, they can
also
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create a demand for new markets
such
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as healthcare services, elderly care, and travel, boosting the economy in specific sectors.
On the other hand
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, there are notable drawbacks of having adult generations in our society, and I believe that the disadvantages are more significant. One of them is increasing the number of unemployed. Many companies recruit workers who are knowledgeable and have
experience
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in these professions.
That is
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why many young people may have challenges finding suitable jobs that they want. Business companies,
take
Verb problem
apply
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an example, want to employ workers who are good at math and economics,
while
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others want workers who are good at computers and have knowledge about today's modern tools. Another problem is increasing disease among adults. If they work in their old age, they might struggle with health
problems
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,
such
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as eye pain, backache, and others. Which led to the government using the budget to treat them and give
drugs
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them drugs
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. In conclusion,
although
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the
aging
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ageing
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population has the potential to contribute positively to society and the economy, I believe it creates more
problems
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than
benefits
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. Without appropriate planning and reform, the rise in longevity may threaten joblessness and social well-being.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a main point. Some points in your arguments could be clearer and more focused.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your arguments. Examples can make your points stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use simpler sentences to explain your ideas. This will make your writing easier to read.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint.
task achievement
You made good points about the benefits of an aging population, which shows you understand the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Overall, your essay has a logical flow and is easy to follow, with clear paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • healthcare costs
  • social security systems
  • economic challenges
  • financial strain
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • workforce
  • community activities
  • social cohesion
  • quality of life
  • innovation
  • accessible transportation
  • healthcare services
  • elderly
  • burden on taxpayers
  • mentoring
  • volunteering
  • asset for businesses
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