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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph illustrates the quantity of British travellers using 3 different transports on a daily basis from 1970 to 2030.

The graph illustrates the quantity of British travellers using 3 different transports on a daily basis from 1970 to 2030.
#quantity #british #travellers #transports #basis
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The graph illustrates the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of British travellers using 3 different
transports
Change the wording
means of transport
modes of transport
types of transport
kinds of transport
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 on a daily basis from 1970 to 2030.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the car is the most popular means of transport for UK commuters
through
Change preposition
throughout
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 the whole period.
While
Linking Words
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who use the car and train increased steadily, the figure for
people
Use synonyms
 using the bus fell significantly. In 1970, approximately 5
million
Use synonyms
 UK commuters travelled by car on a daily basis,
while
Linking Words
 the bus and train were used by about 4
million
Use synonyms
 and 2
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 respectively. From 1970 to 2010,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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UK citizens used buses as a more popular form of transport than trains with
the
Correct article usage
an
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 average of 4
millions
Change to singular
million
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people
Use synonyms
 throughout 40 years
while
Linking Words
 train users only count to less than 3
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, from 2011 onwards,
people
Use synonyms
 using trains rise from 3
million
Use synonyms
 to over 5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2030.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, the figure for
buses
Change the noun form
bus
show examples
 users descend from 4
million
Use synonyms
 to less than 3
million
Use synonyms
 in 2030.
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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