IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

A number of
animals
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 are approaching
extinction
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while
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 a certain figure in the animal kingdom is labeled as endangered species. In the past few decades, the global temperature has continuously risen making the natural habitat of most
animals
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 inhabitable.
This
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 results in the relocation of birds and marine creatures to a safer and livable environment disrupting the food chain and the ecosystem they belong to.
Furthermore
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, illegal hunting has been a longstanding problem for elephants, alligators, polar bears, and many other species as they were hunted by humans for monetary gains.
This
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 act of poaching commonly results in a reduced chance of reproduction among the poached
animals
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, thereby reducing their population and ultimately leading to their
extinction
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.
For instance
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, Asian male elephants are often captured and killed for their long tusk which
decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
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 the chance for reproduction among female elephants in response to the reduction of their male population. In line with
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
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 previously stated, the solutions may start with a worldwide effort to decrease the carbon footprint that must be strictly imposed in response to global warming.
In addition
Linking Words
, planting more trees may assist in lessening the rapid surge in heat index worldwide.
Additionally
Linking Words
, creating more conservation areas reserved for endangered species,
as well as
Linking Words
 those
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 are fast approaching
extinction
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, is a beneficial move to aid in growing their current numbers.
For instance
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, placing vulnerable wildlife in a conservation area not only protects them from poachers but
also
Linking Words
 creates an ecosystem that enables these
animals
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 to roam, hunt, and reproduce freely and safely. In conclusion, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wildlife faces
threat
Fix the agreement mistake
threats
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 from humans and rising earth temperatures resulting in
extinction
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, potential solutions that prioritize their welfare and numbers may be the key
in
Change preposition
to
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 solving
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. This will help the reader understand your message better.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Give more specific examples to support your ideas. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Try to explain geographical terms like 'habitat' or 'ecosystem' briefly, so all readers can understand your points.
task achievement
You have identified important reasons for animal extinction clearly and logically.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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