Nowadays, some people believe that fashion is too important for young people and it has a negative impact on people and society. Do you agree for disagree?

In our society, some people think that
fashion
is necessary for
adults
like other
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
.
However
,
this
type of
entertaining
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entertainment
show examples
may
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
several drawbacks to the human community
instead
of positive impacts. I personally disagree
for
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with
show examples
this
notion and
hence
, in
this
essay, I am going to clarify and highlight the reasons behind my rejection.
In particular
, an adult has
a
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apply
show examples
great potential with a high capacity to learn or improve his/her skills to contribute to the growth of his/her country. They can bring patents for human society.
For example
, all the developed countries are grown based on the
adults
Change to a genitive case
adult's
adults'
show examples
skills.
Furthermore
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent data revealed that young people have high
physicall
Correct your spelling
physical
and mental power
in
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at
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their
age
and they can achieve anything that they want.
On the other hand
,
fashion
is a short pleasure and
a
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apply
show examples
useless entertainment. Researchers believe that the golden
age
for
human
Add an article
a human
the human
show examples
being
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beings
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is an
adolscent
Correct your spelling
adolescent
time. In
this
age
, if we spend our time in
such
a useless thing, we will face many problems in our lives.
For instance
,
fashion
does not bring any novelties or new things
for
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to
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adults
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adults'
adult's
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lives,
therefore
, it has many negative impacts
for
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on
show examples
their lives and they will become
skilless
Replace the word
skilled
show examples
in the future. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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, parents and
Correct article usage
the governmet
show examples
governmet
Correct your spelling
government
should carry
responsibilities
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responsibility
show examples
and make conferences and activities in order to
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase
of
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apply
show examples
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
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awareness.
Overall
,
after
this
discussion, we can
canclude
Correct your spelling
conclude
that
fashion
has a short pleasure but it makes long pain,
therefore
, I believe that people
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
age
can improve their skills
instead
of spending time in
fashion
.
Submitted by bashdar.hussen on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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