IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactoryjob or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is an undeniable statement that we learn the best from our mistakes. Nowadays, the general public is debating whether acceptance is the key to going through a bad condition or whether they should take action to improve it. In my opinion, realisation is important if a mishappening occurs , but we must take the initiative to bring out a better outcome from
such
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 a
situation
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. It is necessary to get a lesson from our past inconveniences.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, considering acceptance a better option is preferred sometimes, because of the severity of the circumstances. In some cases, there is nothing that could be done other than surrendering to the affairs.
For example
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, if someone is not happy with the
job
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 that they are doing and they are constantly looking for a new
job
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, but are unable to find one, they have to be very patient and accept the current
job
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. In
such
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cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 a person must avoid taking actions
such
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 as facing their supervisors to ask for a better
paygrade
Correct your spelling
pay grade
 since that could raise a conflict
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 could result in them losing their
job
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. So, to support their lifestyle and avoid facing a financial loss , they must show acceptance.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, trying to take action and make a case better can work very well in a scenario where we have some control over it.
For example
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, if a person is stuck in a similar
situation
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 as above but their financial
situation
Use synonyms
 is much better, they must take action to improve the
situation
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 and learn some skills to acquire a better earning
job
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, they
Punctuation problem
. They
show examples
 can go ahead and face the company to ask for a raise or simply just look for a new workplace. It is not always in our favour to surrender because there are possibilities to change the result of some situations, as explained above.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly believe that we should take a step under some circumstances to face a better outcome unless it is totally out of our control.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 occasionally it is best to just stay put , but
otherwise
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 we must put our efforts into staying out of regrets.

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task response
You answer both views and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why accepting a bad job can be the best choice in some cases, and why trying to change it is better in other cases.
task response
Your main view is clear: people should try to improve a bad situation when they can. State this in a more direct way at the start, then keep each body paragraph closely linked to it.
task response
Your examples are useful, but they are very similar. Add one different example, such as money problems caused by illness or a person who learns a new skill and gets better work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, one view, the other view, and a final view. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the second body paragraph, the ideas about learning skills, asking for more pay, and finding new work come too quickly. Explain one or two of them more fully.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” work well. Do not use “as explained above” at the end of a paragraph; repeat the key idea in a clear short way instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and joined by commas. Split them into shorter sentences so that the meaning is clearer. For example: “They can learn new skills. Then they may find better-paid work.”
task response
You discuss acceptance and action, and you clearly say that action is usually the better choice when change is possible.
task response
The job example is linked well to the question and helps show why a person may need to accept a hard situation for a time.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a clear focus, and the move from one view to the other is easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
The ending gives a clear final view and brings the two sides together.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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