In many countries, the level of crimes is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. What are the main cause? How can we deal with?
In modern times, the rate of committing crime is reported to seriously increase in many developing nations.
Moreover
, there is a rising popularity in the violent level of criminal activities, which poses a severe threat to communities. The primary reasons for Linking Words
this
situation partly stem from extravagant lifestyles in metropolises Linking Words
coupled with
people’s resistance. Linking Words
However
, it can be addressed by the government organizing defensive programs in society.
Foremost, the rich with lavish ways of living can easily make a temptation for lawbreakers to offend. Basically, the rapid development of modern technology leads to a high cost of living in cities, causing individuals with financial burdens to struggle to earn a living. Linking Words
In contrast
, upper-class ones are able to spend money freely without considering Linking Words
to manage
their budget. Change the verb form
managing
As a consequence
, the gap between the rich and the poor will Linking Words
be widen
more apparently, Change the verb form
widen
explains
the jealousy among poorer people, which leads to Correct pronoun usage
which explains
commit
crimes Change the verb form
committing
such
as robbery or theft. Ho Chi Minh City is a relevant example where over 50% of unemployed workers were recorded as breaking into large corporations to steal money.
Linking Words
Additionally
, the public with defensive skills likely contributes to how violent and uncontrollable the criminal actions become. More specifically, it is a normal Linking Words
instinction
to protect themselves that citizens have when facing offenders in dangerous circumstances. Correct your spelling
instinct
instruction
instinctive
As a result
, if the criminals want to break away avoiding being arrested by police later, they may tend to use weapons to harm the victims and escape. Linking Words
Therefore
, there is no doubt that people committing offences will have more violent behaviours towards those resisting them.
Linking Words
Nevertheless
, Linking Words
this
dangerous problem can be tackled by the authority to deliver lectures about useful defensive techniques. Linking Words
This
is because the majority of victims or innocent citizens do not fully understand how to deal with lawbreakers effectively without suffering injuries. Linking Words
As a consequence
, the state can stimulate citizens to engage in free courses which involve resistant skills training in each community. Linking Words
Furthermore
, those lessons must Linking Words
also
contain real-life situations so that every individual can apply defensive skills in practice, not just based on theory.
In conclusion, the increasing rate of criminal actions Linking Words
along with
a higher level of violence is a result of the temptation of luxurious living ways and how people resist. Despite the severe repercussions, the government can tackle it by providing educational courses for victims to confidently fight against the offendersLinking Words
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task achievement
Your response effectively addresses the task, but some points could be elaborated further for a more comprehensive discussion. For instance, delve deeper into the causes of crime beyond just economic disparity and defensive resistance.
task achievement
Try to make the ideas clearer with more straightforward language. While your ideas are mostly clear, some sentences can be simplified for better clarity. For example, 'explains the jealousy among poorer people, which leads to commit crimes such as robbery or theft' can be simplified to 'This gap explains why poorer people might feel jealous and resort to crimes like robbery or theft.'
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to illustrate your points, like the Ho Chi Minh City example, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
You present a logical structure where you first identify the causes of increased crime and then suggest possible solutions, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example