IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #factor #happiness
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 in society believe that having
money
Use synonyms
 is essential for achieving
happiness
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others consider that
happiness
Use synonyms
 has nothing to do with
money
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
money
Use synonyms
 does not always provide
happiness
Use synonyms
, but it does contribute in some way. On the
one
Use synonyms
hand
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 dedicate their entire lives to obtaining a large sum of
money
Use synonyms
 because they believe that
happiness
Use synonyms
 and
money
Use synonyms
 go
hand
Use synonyms
 in
hand
Use synonyms
 and that without
money
Use synonyms
one
Use synonyms
 cannot fully enjoy life.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who find satisfaction in experiencing new countries, donning designer labels, buying pricey and cutting-edge technology, or enjoying expensive restaurants would be unable to do so without
money
Use synonyms
. Another example is wealthy parents who can purchase their child's
happiness
Use synonyms
 when their youngster is gravely ill and needs expensive medication or treatment abroad. Enjoyment and
money
Use synonyms
 are
one
Use synonyms
; they cannot imagine living without them.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Use synonyms
, many strong cases are to be made against the notion that wealth and
happiness
Use synonyms
 are related.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to think
money
Use synonyms
 can't make their sorrows and suffering disappear. As an example,
money
Use synonyms
 has no value to a mother who has lost her child in an accident because she cannot be consoled financially or made to smile. She can be soothed and made to feel better by sympathetic words. In conclusion, the arguments presented above are convincing for both viewpoints.
Money
Use synonyms
, in my opinion, has a lot to offer
people
Use synonyms
 in terms of their status and way of life, but
one
Use synonyms
 shouldn't mistake that for the main cause of
happiness
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: