IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that the habitats of wild
animals
Use synonyms
 are endangered.
While
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 some people accept that protecting
creatures
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 in the woods is a kind of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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waste of money. I personally believe that saving the
environment
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 can help us to prevent the extinction of many types of
creatures
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 nowadays. On the one hand, no one can ever deny the significance of environmental issues in
this
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 century. To put it more simply, because of some widespread development next to the forests, most of the woods are
becoming
Verb problem
being
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 eliminated. In fact, deforestation by humans contributes to a large number of problems
such
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 as the extinction of many important species like
animals
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 and insects which have a key role in the cycle of the
environment
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.
Thus
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, it can be said that a minority of people think that
this
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 issue is not an important concern for our society.
although
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 it has many main drawbacks for our world.
On the other hand
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, it is widely accepted that preserving the
environment
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caused
Verb problem
has
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 many merits for wild
animals
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. As a matter of fact,
according to
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 the latest figures released by scientific journals most of the virgin nature is rebuilt and protected by NGOs.
Moreover
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, government authorities should legislate more money to protect the habitat of
creatures
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 especially those that are endangered.
Hence
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, government authorities should make policies to ban illegal haunting and strict penalties for poachers who are trying to eliminate the species.
As a result
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, it is fair to say that protecting the
environment
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 can help us to have a better life with other
creatures
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. In conclusion, tough punishments should be planned and organised by governments to protect the virgin nature. In the meanwhile, I personally believe that the combination of culturized appropriate behaviour with
animals
Use synonyms
 and their habitat and strict penalties leads to saving our world.

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task response
Task Response: Your essay provides a generally clear response to the task, but there are some areas where the focus could be improved to better address the prompt. Make sure to fully address all aspects of the question to achieve a higher score.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: You have a logical structure in your essay, but some areas could be improved for better coherence and cohesion. Ensure that your ideas are connected smoothly throughout the essay and pay attention to transitions and linking words to improve cohesion.
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