IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #cities #places #squares #parks
In
this
 modern time,
people
 need open spaces and
squares
 where they can meet folks and perform exercise. It is believed that
people
 should have large amenities
such
 as
parks
, and large
squares
, where they can do get-to-gather and organise toolbox meetings. I believe to keep the population healthy and meet different cultures’ citizens these destinations are perfect choices, where they get fresh air and exchange cultural events.
This
 essay will discuss why advantages are more beneficial than disadvantages.
Firstly
, the main reason is that
due to
 the large population of the cities, shortage of houses, and fewer green places for homeowners, they need outings, where they can stretch their bodies and do exercises. Another reason is that many
people
 visit these destinations because they make friends and share their knowledge and cultural system with them.
For example
, in Australia, many migrants live in small flats and require fresh air to breathe, so they can visit
parks
 and
squares
 to make themselves stress-free.
Secondly
, the primary reason is that if folks have these facilities they will come to join their friends,
as a result
, they will be away from digital gadgets for some hours, which will be better for their health systems.
In addition
,
people
 organise some activities in
parks
 like fun hobbies for elders and children, where they get opportunities to learn gardening and different games, which help them to burn some calories and keep fit and healthy.
For instance
, in Sydney, the Government organises on a regular basis fun activities for children in holiday times in
parks
 and
squares
.
In contrast
, only a few drawbacks
such
 as
people
 throwing litter in these places and never putting rubbish in the designated bins.
Additionally
, many times
people
 fight with each other but these are not major issues that can be managed by the Management.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the prompt and offers a viewpoint on the necessity of large public spaces, but it would benefit from a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction.
task achievement
Some ideas and main points could be developed further with more specific examples and explanations. This would make the arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is generally logical, but there are a few transitions and connections between ideas that could be made clearer to enable smoother reading.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph development, particularly the second body paragraph. Integrating more coherent supporting points and avoiding abrupt transitions would strengthen the essay.
task achievement
Good job on providing relevant examples, like the situation in Australia, to support your points. This helps make your arguments credible.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion in a structured way.
task achievement
The writing demonstrates an understanding of the importance of public spaces from different perspectives such as health, social interactions, and cultural exchanges.
coherence cohesion
The overall organization makes it easy to follow your line of reasoning, which contributes to the coherence of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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