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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

doctors recommend older people for exercise regularly. however, some people do not excersie. what are the causes?

Exercise
Use synonyms
 is the main goal of fitness, as it not only gives us strength but nourishes our minds.
However
Linking Words
, many individuals are indulged in
this
Linking Words
 at an early
age
Use synonyms
, which has some benefits
as well as
Linking Words
 negative impacts.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are a number of benefits regarding
exercise
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, that’s
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that’s
Use the right word
that is
show examples
 why doctors advise
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 those
people
Use synonyms
 who
belong
Verb problem
are
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older
age
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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always should
Correct word order
should always
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 do regular
exercise
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for enhancing
Change preposition
to enhance
show examples
 their survival of life which
Verb problem
is proves
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proves
Use the right word
proven
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most
Verb problem
to be most
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 crucial for them. But before
exercise
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the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 first and foremost priority is rest & many older
age
Use synonyms
give
Check wording
people give
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 preference to that
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 They think that if they do
exercise
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, they can feel difficulty
while
Linking Words
 doing any activity, which is the main reason for
ignorance
Correct article usage
the ignorance
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in old
age
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, bones are weak, and they can suffer from cracking of bones during movement of the body.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the absence of someone who helps them in those activities. Because most of the
people
Use synonyms
 are busy with their work and they do
have not
Correct word order
not have
show examples
 enough time
for spending
Change preposition
to spend
show examples
 their time with old-aged. Old
age
Use synonyms
people
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 aren’t able to do the activity alone, and they always need the help of another person, which is another striking reason for
ignorance
Correct article usage
the ignorance
show examples
 of
exercise
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 most of the patients always ignore daily routine
exercises
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 by giving importance to bed rest and the absence of other
people
Use synonyms
 who help them in doing
exercises
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, organising home-to-home campaigns and starting health-related programs always encourage them
for performing
Change preposition
to perform
show examples
 different
exercises
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 in their daily routine
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
prove
Correct subject-verb agreement
proves
show examples
 very beneficial for them.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer points and arguments in each paragraph. Make sure each point relates directly to the question asked.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (like 'firstly', 'secondly') more often to improve the flow between your ideas.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points effectively.
content
You have identified some important reasons why older people may not exercise.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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