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Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programes (for example working for a charity, improving the nighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). What extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programes #charity #nighborhood #sports #children
In the modern world, many
organizatons
Correct your spelling
organisations
 provide free services in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
show examples
. Some people believe that volunteer
sevices
Correct your spelling
services
 should collect in high
school
 educational systems. I totally disagree with
this
 idea.
This
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
easy
 will be discussed in the
follwing
Correct your spelling
following
 paragraphs. There are several reasons why
students
 should not be involved in unpaid service activities.
Firstly
,
students
 should pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their studies
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 is the most crucial
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
 that
students
 need to do
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. If they do not study hard enough, they might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fall in the exam.
Moreover
, working as a volunteer could
cause
 them
feel
Add the particle
to feel
show examples
extreamly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 tried as they need to take their time to do activities, and these problems can
cause
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of sleep
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
problems when they take
school
 classes
such
 as sleeping in the classes, understanding
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school
 subjects.
In addition
, Using
students
 to do unpaid
work
 is not fair
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
humen
Correct your spelling
human
 rights because
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 reality, everyone does not
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to
work
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 getting paid.
For example
, using bodies and thinking to achieve workload for others people need to use their energies, so they must gain some benefits from doing these types of
work
. Another reason is that
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 out
off
Change preposition
of
show examples
school
 can
cause
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
serious injuries.
For instance
, some unpaid
oraganizations
Correct your spelling
organisations
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
aim just
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 finish the job and they do not care about safety as much as possible,
for
this
reason
Add the comma(s)
,reason
show examples
students
 who
work
 for unpaid
sevices
Correct your spelling
services
 can
cause
 unexpected accidents.
To sum up
,
students
 in high
school
 should focus on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 as
a main priorities
Correct the article-noun agreement
a main priority
main priorities
show examples
 than unpaid
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
Correct word choice
or sevices
show examples
sevices
Correct your spelling
services
, and they should not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their time as it can lead to many negative problems
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by chachawrch on

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