IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and all zoos should be closed. However, some people think zoo can help protect animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #zoos #zoo #animals
It is considered by some that
zoos
 are brutal places for
animals
, because, they kill and behave with them in adverse ways,
while
 others mention the idea that
zoos
 can conserve different species from the danger of extinction or hunting. I personally think, as long as the authorities of these places do not abuse these creatures for their own pleasure or
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
 money
this
 way, they can be useful to protect the endangered ones. On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that most of the scarce
animals
 are hunted and bought in order to be put in
zoos
,
hence
, some of them are killed in
this
 process, whether by hunters or under the pressure of bad conditions,
such
 as the lack of enough food to fed them.
For instance
, in Iran, zoo owners do not provide any basic amenities to keep the species in proper circumstances, because of
this
, they get murdered,
consequently
, many Iranian environmentalists protest against
this
 issue, and it happens just because of the
owners
Change to a genitive case
owner's
owners'
show examples
 financial profits.
On the other hand
, all
zoos
 do not have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 politics, some of them support
animals
, especially rare ones to protect them from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extinction danger, which helps the habitat to be conserved and even expounded.
Moreover
,
animals
 are taken to these shelters and
then
 will be returned to their habitats after the authorities are assured that they are not in danger anymore.
For example
, in South Africa, some environmentalists work on a specific species to prepare skills that are needed to live in the wildlife.
To sum up
, all the aforementioned points can bring us to the conclusion that
zoos
 can not be functional if the ultimate objective is personal benefits unless individuals use them to conserve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature and its creatures.
Submitted by parianabiloo78 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: