Shops Should Not Be Allowed to Sell Food or Drinks that Have Been Scientifically Proven Bad for People’s Health

#shops #food #drinks #people’s #health

In recent years,there has been a heated debate about whether

Correct article usage

the removed

show examples

removed

Replace the word

removal

show examples

beverages

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of beverages

show examples

and any

food

which were

proved

Correct your spelling

proven

show examples

that will hurt our’s

health

form

shop

.In my view,I believe

shop

Fix the agreement mistake

shops

show examples

cannot

be allow

Change the verb form

be allowed

show examples

to sell

unheathy

Correct your spelling

unhealthy

food

while

food

that will only hurt our’s

health

when overcome amount should

be allow

Change the verb form

be allowed

show examples

to sell. On the one hand,unhealthy

food

beverages

will

cause

some diseases

such

as obesity and heart disease.

Therefore

allow

Wrong verb form

allowing

show examples

selling

Correct article usage

the selling

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unhealthy

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of unhealthy

show examples

food

people

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to people

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who have the disease will become

commonly

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common

show examples

.As

the

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show examples

result,it will

cause

a lot

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of problem

show examples

problem

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problems

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likewise

,strain our healthcare system,decreasing average ages,

increasing

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and increasing

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rate

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the rate

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of crime.

For example

the

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apply

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health

treatment is expensive,not all

family

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families

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can afford it,so they will

doing

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show examples

some illegal activities to make money for treatment.

Besides

that,unhealthy

food

also

lead

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leads

show examples

economic

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to economic

show examples

issue

,because unhealthy

food

commonly has lower cost and higher profit.

Consequently

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an industry

the industry

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industry

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industries

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that which producing

health

Replace the word

healthy

show examples

food

will face

Correct article usage

a bankrupty

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bankrupty

Correct your spelling

bankruptcy

crisis.

On the other hand

,usually,unhealthy

food

can’t hurt our

health

,it only

establish

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establishes

show examples

when you eat overcome amount.

Moreover

remove

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removing

show examples

all unhealthy

food

and

beverages

is unrealistic,over 99%

foods

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of foods

show examples

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

added some chemical product for keeping that will hurt our

health

if eating in

long

Correct article usage

the long

show examples

term.

Addtionally

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Additionally

under

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with

show examples

recent technology,we don’t have

Correct article usage

the ablity

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ablity

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ability

removed

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remove

show examples

them because it will lead

Fix the infinitive

to issue

show examples

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

about

Change preposition

show examples

lack of

food

. In conclusion,

food

and

beverages

that will

cause

serious

health

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

should be removed from the

shop

bacause

Correct your spelling

because

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

a lot of

issue

Change to a plural noun

issues

show examples

will be extended.

Otherwise

,if

food

just

cause

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causes

show examples

slightly

Change the word

slight

show examples

health

issue

we should

allowed

Change the verb form

be allowed

allow

show examples

them

sell

Add the particle

to sell

show examples

in the

shop

bacause

Correct your spelling

because

we can’t solve the

problem

that

lead

Change the verb form

leads

show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

Add an article

a remove

show examples

remove

Replace the word

removal

show examples

.I believe

food

Correct article usage

the food

show examples

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

that

Add a missing verb

are relevent

show examples

relevent

Correct your spelling

relevant

helthy

Correct your spelling

healthy

will solve in the future

accroding

Correct your spelling

according

technology develop.

Submitted by goeyqihang on Wed Jul 05 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
60Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Regulations
accountability
retailers
public health
consumer choice
diet
banning
health education
awareness campaigns
economic impact
job losses
small businesses
complexity
beneficial
harmful
quantity consumed
individual health conditions

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Shops Should Not Be Allowed to Sell Food or Drinks that Have Been Scientifically Proven Bad for People’s Health

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The use of social media ,such as Face book and Twitter ,is replacing face_to_face contact with people. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

some people believe that students should learn science subjects at schools while others believe that other subjects like history is also beneficial for them discuss both views