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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show the changes in ownership of eletrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below show the changes in ownership of eletrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graphs below indicate the changes in
households
Use synonyms
 with electrical appliances and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
 spent on
Use synonyms
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
 from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there were significant changes in all factors over the
period
Use synonyms
 including a rapid increase in
Correct article usage
the refigerator
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refigerator
Correct your spelling
refrigerator
. In the meantime, the number of hours spent on
Use synonyms
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
such
Linking Words
 as
wahing
Correct your spelling
washing
 clothes,
prepraring
Correct your spelling
preparing
mealsand
Correct your spelling
meals and
 cleaning
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
considerably decreased during the same
time
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the first graph, none of
Use synonyms
households
Add an article
the households
show examples
 had a fridge in 1920, but the rate dramatically went up to 90% in 1960 and
then
Linking Words
 all
households
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had one from 1980. Compare to the fridge, the proportion of
households
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
vacumm
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaner and washing machine
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 30% and 40% respectively in 1920. Since
then
Linking Words
, the rate of both items increased to 70%. After that, one for
vacumm
Correct your spelling
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 went up to 100% in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 the growth of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 turned slow during the same
time
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
. In terms of housework
time
Use synonyms
 from the second graph, 50 hours per week were spent in 1920. After that, the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
 rapidly decreased over the
period
Use synonyms
, only 10 hours per week were spent on it in 2019. Looking at the two graphs more closely, when the rate of
households
Use synonyms
 with
fridge
Fix the agreement mistake
fridges
show examples
 went up, the
time
Use synonyms
 spent on
Use synonyms
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
 declined proportionately. One can see that
households
Use synonyms
 were spending a lot of
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
preparing meals among all
Use synonyms
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 introduction of
Correct article usage
the refigerator
show examples
refigerator
Correct your spelling
refrigerator
 lessened the
time
Use synonyms
 on it.
Submitted by ku-hmi on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words households, time, houseworks, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapid" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household appliances
  • time-efficient
  • labour-saving devices
  • technological innovations
  • ownership rate
  • housework chores
  • domestic workload
  • automation
  • advancements
  • trend analysis
  • societal shifts
  • economic impact
  • durability
  • lifespan of appliances
  • maintenance
  • historical comparison
  • time allocation
  • drudgery reduction
  • energy consumption
  • disruption in trends
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