IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #say #population #governments #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, the rate of mortality has dropped dramatically, in which the
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy rate has risen substantially. On
this
Linking Words
 occasion, some individuals reckon that the ageing population can create some problems for governors and society,
In contrast
Linking Words
, others are against them and think it is a great opportunity for the nation to gain benefits from it. I opine that it has some positive sides and negative sides, but it can show the quality of the country in many aspects,
such
Linking Words
 as a healthy lifestyle, and sustainable development in the
economy
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, many countries are faced with an ageing population which cause many difficulties for their future plan in
terms
Use synonyms
 of food suppliers,
for instance
Linking Words
, water, food, and medicine. To clarify, a shortage of suitable budgets for allocating to old ones in
terms
Use synonyms
 of insurance can be named as a negative impact.
In addition
Linking Words
, governments should cope with the need for enough food and water for
people
Use synonyms
 who needs to import their needs from other countries, and it can create pressure on governments’ shoulder.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it would be tough to overcome the treatment costs for the elderly. Not only can it be challenging for governors in
terms
Use synonyms
 of constructing new hospitals for old
people
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 it can reduce the amount of money that should be allocated to another sector of society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can interpret as a great chance for
people
Use synonyms
 to live in these areas, which can show a high quality of
life
Use synonyms
 and demonstrate a higher level of
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy. The first and most imperative point is all about having sustainable developments in economic aspects.
For instance
Linking Words
, having a healthy lifestyle can improve employees’ efficiency in order to enrich the
economy
Use synonyms
, in which governments can save huge amounts of money by spending less amount of money on health issues or having some specific surgery.
In addition
Linking Words
, experienced
people
Use synonyms
 can play a pivotal role in our society in
terms
Use synonyms
 of their knowledge. On
this
Linking Words
 occasion, it can help many companies to overcome some challenges that they have. Another point is all about increasing the level of social welfare, which is a sign of an ageing population. It is generally felt that many developing countries try to emphasize the impotence of
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy as the great aim to improve their country in many aspects,
such
Linking Words
 as
economy
Use synonyms
, and healthy lifestyle. In way of occlusion, I believe that ageing can need to have some extra budget for expenditure of old
people
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, governments are able to gain huge amounts of profit for the purpose of having sustainable developments in various factors like the
economy
Use synonyms
, which is very important for governors.
Submitted by mhshid on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: