IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that newspapers are the best ways to learn the news. However, others believe that they can learn news better through other media. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #newspapers #news #media
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Newspapers
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 have been the most convenient way to learn the
news
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 for centuries.
However
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, it has crucially changed because of the Internet and other technological advances. Which led to
decreasing
Replace the word
a decrease in
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 the popularity of
newspapers
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. It is much easier for
people
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 to be informed about global and regional
news
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 without leaving the comfort of their
home
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homes
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 or
by
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apply
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buying piles of
newspapers
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 daily.
Due to
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 these reasons I completely agree with the idea that learning
news
Use synonyms
 through the
media
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 is much better.
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Although
Correct word choice
However
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, I would like to mention that there are some advantages of
newspapers
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 which are absent in social
media
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,
such
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 as true
information
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 about
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 events
and
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apply
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etc.
FIrst
Correct your spelling
First
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 and foremost, I concur that social
media
Use synonyms
 is a better source of
information
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 because it is convenient and does not require a
big
Correct word choice
large
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 amount of time, unlike
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
newspapers
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. I mean, being able to find all the global and local
news
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 without even leaving your home is much more comfortable for everyone, rather than going to buy
newspapers
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.
Secondly
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,
newspapers
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 influence ecology in a negative way. In order to produce piles of
newspapers
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 daily you would need
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 amount of paper, which leads to deforestation.
And deforestation
Correct word choice
Deforestation
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 leads to
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
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 of various kinds of animals and other ecological problems. Unlike
to
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apply
show examples
newspapers
Use synonyms
media
Use synonyms
 does require not any
papers
Fix the agreement mistake
paper
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,
hence
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 it is much more ecologically friendly.
However
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,
newspapers
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also
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 have
load
Change the article
a load
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 of advantages. And one of them is showing true
information
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 to
people
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. Editors even hire a group of
fact checkers
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fact-checkers
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, in order to investigate the events and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not mistakenly publish wrong
information
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 which will confuse
people
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. But in
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media
Add a comma
media,
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 everyone tries to publish as
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 publications as possible which leads to confusing
people
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 because of not true
information
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 in the
news
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.
To sum up
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, even though
newspapers
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 have their own advantages, I think that
media
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 is much better and has
better
Add an article
a better
the better
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 impact
to
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on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature (which is vital for leaving creatures on the Earth). And probably after
few
Correct article usage
a few
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decades
Add a comma
decades,
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people
Use synonyms
 will stop producing
newspapers
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 at all, because of decreasing popularity.
Submitted by Ayan on

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task response
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and provides some relevant arguments for both views. However, there is room for improvement in presenting a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion in some areas. The logical structure of the essay needs improvement, and the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • news coverage
  • perspectives
  • opinions
  • accessed
  • interactive
  • engaging
  • real-time
  • multimedia
  • combination
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