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Band 6

Young people spend too much money on expensive fashion brands and gadgets these days, many of which are not necessary How far do you agree?

#people #money #fashion #brands #gadgets
Nowadays, a large amount of
money
 is spent by youngsters to buy unessential fashion brands and gadgets. I completely agree that more
money
 is spent on unessential products and advanced electronic devices because young people are in a critical phase to build their identity and are affected by
advertisements
 in social media.
Firstly
, young people are dealing with a new era of globalization which is at a critical level in building their personality.
This
 will lead them in changing their individual
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in using some brand new stuff. It is,
for example
, young generations are becoming extremely arrogant to show their appearance
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 wearing new clothes and in using handphones that cost higher prices.
However
, they sometimes have no particular interest in
such
 things they buy which at least
to follow
Change the verb form
follows
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 global trends.
Secondly
, the advancement of technology has provided various
advertisements
 on social media that affect young
individual’s
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals’
show examples
 lives. The effect
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 visualizing the
advertisements
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to make young people do an impulse buying activity.
This
 means that the activity is done without any plan and perspective of
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
its purpose and even its consequences
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
.
For example
, youngsters are purchasing a lot of
money
 on new online game devices in a short time,
therefore
 it is totally difficult for them to save their own budget for vital purposes. In conclusion,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generations who are purchasing a lot of
money
 on both expensive clothes and handphones in following trends are becoming more arrogant,
while
 those who are influenced by
advertisements
 to buy expensive stuff will be more challenging to save
money
 for essential
aim
Fix the agreement mistake
aims
show examples
.
Submitted by gabriellasada24 on

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