IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Young people spend too much money on expensive fashion brands and gadgets these days, many of which are not necessary How far do you agree?

#people #money #fashion #brands #gadgets
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Nowadays, a large amount of
money
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 is spent by youngsters to buy unessential fashion brands and gadgets. I completely agree that more
money
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 is spent on unessential products and advanced electronic devices because young people are in a critical phase to build their identity and are affected by
advertisements
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 in social media.
Firstly
Linking Words
, young people are dealing with a new era of globalization which is at a critical level in building their personality.
This
Linking Words
 will lead them in changing their individual
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 in using some brand new stuff. It is,
for example
Linking Words
, young generations are becoming extremely arrogant to show their appearance
in
Change preposition
by
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 wearing new clothes and in using handphones that cost higher prices.
However
Linking Words
, they sometimes have no particular interest in
such
Linking Words
 things they buy which at least
to follow
Change the verb form
follows
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 global trends.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the advancement of technology has provided various
advertisements
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 on social media that affect young
individual’s
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individuals’
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 lives. The effect
in
Change preposition
of
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 visualizing the
advertisements
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tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to make young people do an impulse buying activity.
This
Linking Words
 means that the activity is done without any plan and perspective of
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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its purpose and even its consequences
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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.
For example
Linking Words
, youngsters are purchasing a lot of
money
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 on new online game devices in a short time,
therefore
Linking Words
 it is totally difficult for them to save their own budget for vital purposes. In conclusion,
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generations who are purchasing a lot of
money
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 on both expensive clothes and handphones in following trends are becoming more arrogant,
while
Linking Words
 those who are influenced by
advertisements
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 to buy expensive stuff will be more challenging to save
money
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 for essential
aim
Fix the agreement mistake
aims
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.
Submitted by gabriellasada24 on

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