IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discubss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some people claim that
university
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students
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 should study a single major that they choose for a qualification
while
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 others say that they need to learn more than
one
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subject
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. In
this
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 essay, we are going to discuss both views and converge on
one
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 opinion. When it comes to a single
subject
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,
students
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 are willing to guarantee the qualification of their major. To be an expert, professionalism is the most important part. Some majors need former study
due to
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 its complexity,
therefore
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 four years could be a lack of time to qualify for their profession.
For example
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, majors related to healthcare or engineering need plenty of things to learn.
On the other hand
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, when
students
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 study more than
one
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subject
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, they can combine their knowledge and gain great insights from that. All knowledges are not divided respectively, they are connected in some ways. By comparing and synergizing different subjects, new knowledge and inventions could created.
For instance
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, Leonardo Da Vinci was not only a painter, but he
also
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 studied various kinds of subjects,
such
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 as mathematics and medicine. His great paintings were from his versatile knowledge, not only a single
subject
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.
Moreover
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, it is difficult to know which major could be adequate for individuals,
therefore
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 the opportunity should be given to find out for the
university
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students
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.
To sum up
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, it is controversial how many subjects should
university
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students
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 focus on.
Nevertheless
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, to become a more versatile expert, I think getting to know more than
one
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subject
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 could be better for
university
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students
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due to
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 its effectiveness in expanding an individual's world.

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Introduction
Ensure a clear thesis statement is provided in the introduction to guide readers through your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. While Leonardo Da Vinci is a good example, adding current or more detailed examples could strengthen your points.
Style
For a more sophisticated writing style, vary your sentence structures to include more complex and compound sentences.
Task Achievement
You discussed both views and provided a clear personal opinion, which is crucial for this task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-organized, each focusing on a separate view, which aids in reader understanding.
Content & Examples
You successfully linked the importance of studying more than one subject to its impact on a student's versatility and innovation, demonstrating a good grasp of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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