IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

3.In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer?

#countries #shootings #people #guns #home #support
In
this
 modern era,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of individuals across the globe have kept
guns
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their households for safety and recreational purposes. To my mind, I argue against the
use
 of
guns
. Recently, the
use
 of
guns
 freely has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to an increase in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mortality rates.
To begin
 with, having arms at residence prompts the young children to
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
This
 increases the risk factor as they are not aware of
guns
 functioning. Even a small click can cost you a life.
According to
 the US accidental deaths, it is stated that, on
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
average 150 death have been recorded because of the
use
 of
guns
 in households. The report
further
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
states that, all the accidents had happened as the teenagers were curious to
use
 it and showcase it among their peer group and post it on social media for popularity
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
In addition
 to that, a violent argument between spouses or friends
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 outrages an individual to take extreme advantage of the gun and shoot in aggression at the opposite person. It has
also
 been reported that the increase in suicides occurred
due to
easy
Correct article usage
the easy
show examples
 availability of
guns
 at the home itself. A study conducted at Chicago University, reports that the majority of times it is the male dominancy that has used the arms out of frustration or aggression in situations where losses are incurred or their personal ego has been hurt.
Hence
, revenge is taken.
To sum up
, multiple
evidences
Change the wording
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 have been given about high death ratios caused by
guns
 that are kept
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 households. I advocate that a strict law shall be passed for
privategun
Correct your spelling
private gun
ownerships
Fix the agreement mistake
ownership
show examples
.
Submitted by yusra.f.jaffer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: