IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

many people believe that a university education is necessary for a good career. do you agree or disagree? what other factors can contribute to a good career?

#people #university #education #career #factors
A Majority of us commit that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 University
education
 is essential for a bright future
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 am not agree with the aforementioned statement. There are so many other aspects which can lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better career. In
this
 essay, we will talk through
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both phases. First of all, there are innumerable people who are of high rank and are not well-educated.
For
example
, the bank manager of the bank where
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 did my internship had only a degree of intermediate and was managing the whole department.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 another
example
 is Mukesh Ambani who is
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the list of the world's richest men is not highly educated he said "
no
Capitalize word
No
show examples
 higher
education
 is necessary for success".
Therefore
,
education
 provided by the university or college isn't mandatory for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 distinguished career.
Moreover
, another
example
 is of a Doctor
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 was watching on social media
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 days. He hadn't found a good job for him despite having a Doctorate degree. I was shocked
while
 seeing
this
 and
this
 is a big
example
 of the aforementioned statement.
Furthermore
, there can be so many other components that come up with a shining future.
Ahigher
Correct your spelling
A higher
education
 is equal to one's talent and skills.
For
example
, if you have
brain-power
Correct your spelling
brain power
show examples
 and skills it will not go anywhere. In
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
 you can work from home using your potential. There are so many social media influencers who are earning millions just by doing
vlog
Add an article
a vlog
show examples
. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would say that a university
education
 isn't compulsory for a successful career, the world has come to an innovative age. So creativity added with Brain-power can get more success.
Submitted by samrazwaseem on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: