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Writing Samples
Band 6

These days more father stay at home and take care of their children while mother go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive of negative development?

#father #home #care #children #mother #work #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that an increasing
number
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 has
been appeared
Change to the active voice
appeared
show examples
 who
chosen
Wrong verb form
chose
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 to stay at home to look after
children
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 as
opposite
Replace the word
opposed
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 to going to work.Inversely,
women
Use synonyms
 play a role
of
Change preposition
in
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 making money in the family.There are many
reasons
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 behind
this
Linking Words
 trend. In my opinion, It is positive to see
this
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 happening. On the one hand, there are many
reasons
Use synonyms
 why
this
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 phenomenon
take
Change the verb form
takes
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 place.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the spring up of feminism is one of the main
reasons
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 for
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Women
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 who receive higher education want to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their ambitions and break the barrier of
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
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 conception that
women
Use synonyms
 must
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
stay at home and looking after
their
Change the word
the
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 next generations.
Secondly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social equality has been improved.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people believe that whatever the different gender or nation，all individuals should receive equal treatment in society.
For example
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, gender is no longer
a
Correct article usage
the
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 sole factor of promotion opportunities in companies，which
inspire
Correct subject-verb agreement
inspires
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 many females
go
Add the particle
to go
show examples
 out to work.
The
Correct article usage
Last
show examples
last
Linking Words
 but not least, one of the most important
element
Fix the agreement mistake
elements
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 is the impact of
global
Correct article usage
the global
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 economic crisis.After the recession of 2008,
large
Change the article
a large
the large
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number
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 of workers lose their job, especially
men
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 in
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
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 and manufacturing industry, which dramatically accelerated
this
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 trend.
This
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 phenomenon that
men
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 and wife switch their careers can bring lots of benefits.
To begin
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 with,
children
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 can become more independent and tough with
father's
Correct pronoun usage
their father's
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 care.
For instance
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, compare with the mother who is tolerant and doting. The father,
usually
Add a missing verb
is usually
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 strict with their
children
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 and encourage them to become an independent person who has a precious quality of bravely
face
Wrong verb form
facing
show examples
 all difficulties.
Then
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, during the process of taking care of the
children
Use synonyms
,
Add an article
the male
a male
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male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 will become more responsible, which definitely increases
stability
Correct article usage
the stability
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 and welfare of
family
Add an article
the family
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.
In addition
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,
women
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 going out to find a job can reduce social gender discrimination
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent and encourage more
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 to pursue their dreams.
Linking Words
as
Capitalize word
As
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 a result
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social equality will be effectively improved. In conclusion, there are
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number
Correct article usage
a number
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 of
reasons
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 contributing to
this
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 result,
such
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 as economics, higher education,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 the evolution of society.Personally, I think it seems
against
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traditional
Replace the word
tradition
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 for
men
Use synonyms
 to stay at home and
women
Use synonyms
go
Fix the infinitive
to go
show examples
 out to make
profit
Add an article
a profit
show examples
, but it can truly bring a great
number
Use synonyms
 of advantages to the world.
Submitted by 915818382 on

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