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Band 6.5

Some people say the government should not put money into building theaters and sports stadiums, they should spend more money on medical care and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree this opinion?

#people #government #money #theaters #sports #stadiums #care #education
The importance of constructing a medical care and study centre by the ministry which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
 others reject
this
 notion and claim to build theatres and stadiums. The substantial influence of
this
 trend has sparked controversy over the potential impact in recent years.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate my views for favouring the positive impact of building a hospital and study area and
thus
 will lead to a logical conclusion. On the one hand, I agree that the importance of building a new medical clinic is necessary in today's world because of urbanisation and the first and foremost reason is, the migration of people.
Moreover
, today's kids are addicted to mobile phones and they don't play outdoor games which leads to obesity and makes them unfit.
In addition
, pollution and disease are spreading across the globe. To stop
this
 the ministry authority should construct new medical centres to reduce the disease and help poor people with free medicines.
Secondly
, the authorities should build good learning schools and colleges for poor kids to improve their learning system. The state should subside and promote schools and colleges in rural areas to educate the kids in rural areas.
However
, constructing tuition centres will improve study quality.
Nevertheless
, building schools and colleges can improve the education system and the quality of education for children.
In addition
, building a library in the country can help children to gain knowledge and improve their learning skills.
To sum up
,
according to
 the arguments mentioned above, one can reach the conclusion that the benefits of the construction of a medical and educational building are indeed too great to ignore.
Submitted by fazilharis20 on

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task response
The essay does not effectively address the given topic. The response lacks depth and fails to present a comprehensive argument for or against the idea of government spending on theaters and sports stadiums vs. medical care and education. It is important to clearly address and analyze the given opinion in a balanced and logical manner.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. It jumps between ideas without a clear progression, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. It is essential to organize the ideas in a coherent and cohesive manner, presenting a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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