IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, many people choose to watch sports on television, rather than to take part in sports themselves. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

In recent years, it has become increasingly common for people to prefer watching games on television
instead
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 of actively participating in them.
While
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this
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 trend may offer some conveniences , I believe it is largely a negative development
due to
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 its impact on well-being and social engagement.
To begin
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 with, one major disadvantage of just watching physical activities is the decline in physical activity. Regular exercise is important for maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and preferring to sit for hours in front of a screen
instead
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 of taking part in physical exercises can lead to fitness problems
such
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 as obesity, heart disease, and poor mental health.
For example
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, many individuals who once played
sports
Use synonyms
 in local parks have now adopted a more inactive routine, resulting in weight gain and a decrease in their
overall
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 fitness.
Furthurmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, participating in
sports
Use synonyms
 encourages important social and personal skills. It teaches teamwork, discipline, and determination,
while
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also
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 offering opportunities for social interaction. Watching games,
on the other hand
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, is mostly passive and does not provide the same benefits. Children and young adults,
in particular
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, may miss out on crucial developmental experiences if they are not encouraged to play practices. That being said, watching
sports
Use synonyms
 is not completely without advantages . It can be an enjoyable form of relaxation and can even inspire viewers to take up a sport.
However
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, when it becomes a replacement for actual participation, the long-term consequences are mostly negative. In conclusion,
while
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 watching
sports
Use synonyms
 on television may be entertaining and convenient the permanent shift away from active participation is a negative development. It is essential to encourage people, to be physically active for the well-being of their health and personal development.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, especially about social skills gained from playing sports. This could enhance your argument about the benefits of participation over watching sports.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a solid introduction, body paragraphs that present arguments, and a conclusion summarizing your viewpoint, which helps in coherence.
task achievement
You present a balanced view, acknowledging some advantages of watching sports while emphasizing the negative impacts, which demonstrates critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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