IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say the government should not put money into building theaters and sports stadiums, they should spend more money on medical care and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree this opinion?

The importance of constructing a medical care and study centre by the ministry
which
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, which
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 was always
debatable
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debatable,
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 has now become more controversial
with
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, with
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 many people claiming that it is
beneficial
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beneficial,
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while
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 others reject
this
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 notion and claim to build theatres and stadiums. The substantial influence of
this
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 trend has sparked controversy over the potential impact in recent years.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate
my
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on my
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 views
for favouring
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in favour
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 the positive impact of building a hospital and study area
and
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, and
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thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. On the one hand, I agree that the importance of building a new medical clinic is necessary in today's world because of urbanisation
and
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, and
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 the first and foremost reason is
,
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apply
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 the migration of people.
Moreover
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, today's kids are addicted to mobile phones
and
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, and
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 they don't play outdoor games
which
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, which
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 leads to obesity and makes them unfit.
In addition
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, pollution and disease are spreading across the globe. To stop
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this
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this,
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 the ministry authority should construct new medical centres to reduce the disease and help poor people with free medicines.
Secondly
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, the authorities should build good learning schools and colleges for poor kids to improve their learning system. The state should
subside
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subsidise
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 and promote schools and colleges in rural areas to educate the kids in rural areas.
However
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, constructing tuition centres will improve study quality.
Nevertheless
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, building schools and colleges can improve the education system and the quality of education for children.
In addition
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, building a library in the country can help children to gain knowledge and improve their learning skills.
To sum up
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,
according to
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 the arguments mentioned above, one can reach the conclusion that the benefits of the construction of a medical and educational building are indeed too great to ignore.

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task
Make your view clear in the start. Say how much you agree and stick to it through the essay.
task
Explain both sides or give a strong reason why you pick one side. Use a clear plan.
coherence
Use short sentences to keep the idea easy to read. Fix long run on lines.
coherence
Use good linking words to move from one idea to the next and keep order of ideas.
coherence
Give more definite examples to back what you say rather than only big ideas.
opinion
There is a clear view that money should go to health and education.
content
The essay links health and learning to life in a city.
organization
The essay has a simple shape with intro, two body parts and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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