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Writing Samples
Band 7

the graph below illustrates the demand for electrical power in england during typical days in winter and summer and how electric current is used in average English home.

the graph below illustrates the demand for electrical power in england during typical days in winter and summer and how electric current is used in average English home.
The line graph displays the electricity demand in
Change the capitalization
England
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england
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England
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 on typical days in winter and summer
along with
Linking Words
 it the piechart illustrates how
the
Correct article usage
apply
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electricity is utilized in
average
Correct article usage
the average
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Change the capitalization
English
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english
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English
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 household
Overall
Linking Words
,electricity demand in winter fluctuates throughout the day
whereas
Linking Words
 in summer it remains the same.
while
Linking Words
 most English homes have used more electric
power
Use synonyms
 for heating rooms, and heating water and the second highest usage was in electric appliances like ovens,kettles, and washing machines. In winter, nearly 35,000
units
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 have used in 0
hrs
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 and rise to around 40000
units
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 in 3hrs and saw a steady increase till it reaches a peak at around 45000
units
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 in 21
hrs
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 and saw a sharp decrease towards the end of the day. In ,contrast the
power
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 consumption in summer begins at over 15000
units
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 at 0hrs where it reaches 20000
units
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 between 12 and 15
hrs
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 hereby fluctuates and ,
finally
Linking Words
 it reaches nearly 20000
units
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 and followed by over 15000
units
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at the end
Linking Words
 of the day. Britain utilizes the most
power
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 over 50% of its
power
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 in heating rooms and heating water
However
Linking Words
 the second largest energy consumption is in electric appliances.
for instance
Linking Words
, ovens,kettles,washing machines and lighting ,TV, radio, vacuum cleaners,food mixers, and electric tools remain at 15%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words power, units, hrs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "reaches" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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