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Band 4.5

The internet has become profoundly efficient and popular that people choose it as a platform to learn. Some believe that it would eventually replace the need for books. Do you agree or disagree?

#internet #people #platform #believe #books
The
Internet
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 made the globe smaller and facilitated learning, it
also
 shows the whole world whatever new,
due to
this
 quality majority of people make use of the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 for seeking and learning
such
 as reading
Correct article usage
the
show examples
latest things found
furthermore
 awareness about solutions for common and big problems, but it
is disagreed
Change to the active voice
disagrees
has disagreed
show examples
 to replace the
books
 by
internet
. The benefit of
books
 and the bad influence of
internet
 displaying
devices
 and platforms we use to learn will prove
this
 statement.
Firstly
,
books
 are greatly beneficial for ongoing remembrance and for people’s health.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 reading through
books
 will not affect the eyes as soon as mobile
devices
, and it is less likely to cause
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
show examples
 and eye strain,
nevertheless
, It can make one more involved with the topic
hence
Correct word choice
and hence
show examples
 can provide healthy reading moments and save the body healthy.
Therefore
books
 can’t be replaced with the net.
Secondly
, mobile
devices
 have a bad health impact .
For instance
Add a comma
,
show examples
they result in eye problems and sleeping struggles
as well as
 psychiatric issues,
while
 a healthy body and an organised sleep time are the fundamental qualities individual must care about.
This
 is why the net can’t take
books
Correct article usage
a books
show examples
 position. And
finally
Add a comma
,finally
show examples
to sum up
, the network is not as healthy as
books
 ,so learning through
books
 is a principle that should never be vanished. As a
recommendation
Add a comma
,recommendation
show examples
 it is better to export PDF files and
books
 in
devices
 to papers and
hand
Correct your spelling
handbooks
show examples
books
 so one can read with no bad influence on his health.
Submitted by bashdar.hussen on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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