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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

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A widely heated debate regarding whether the merits of playing
video
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games
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 outweigh the demerits has received accumulating attention from the public. As for my perspective, I am in favor of
this
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 statement and the reasons will be thoroughly elaborated on as follows. An array of factors might lead to why
people
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 are convinced that
video
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games
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 have negative effects on
players
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.
To begin
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 with,
video
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games
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 can be detrimental to one’s physical health if individuals are addicted to them.
For example
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, staring at the screen without taking breaks properly results in eye strain or nearsightedness.
In addition
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,
players
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 usually develop a sedentary habit since they tend to maintain a certain pose when enjoying the
games
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, which increases the risk of chronic diseases like hypertension or obesity.
Secondly
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,
video
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games
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 typically attract
players
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 to pay for better user experiences;
therefore
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,
people
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 may suffer from financial pressure once they fail to manage their budgets well.
On the other hand
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, in my opinion,
video
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games
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 are accompanied by numerous benefits. First of all, we can learn about teamwork spirit when cooperating with other
players
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.
As a result
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, introducing
video
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games
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 to schools benefits children significantly since teamwork plays a crucial role in modern society.
Furthermore
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,
video
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games
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 require
players
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 to stay focused to win the competition, thereby enhancing individuals’ learning and working efficiency.
According to
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 a study conducted by National Taiwan University, compared to
people
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 who live without
video
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games
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,
people
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 playing
video
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games
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 on a regular basis spend only 40% of
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
time solving
Add a hyphen
time-solving
show examples
 puzzle
games
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 when staying in a noisy environment. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, the benefits of playing
video
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games
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 outweigh the shortcomings
due to
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 the exercises of teamwork and the advancement of working efficiency.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points, especially in the second paragraph where you discuss the benefits of video games.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the flow between paragraphs by using more connecting phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The introduction provides a clear statement of your opinion, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good structure with clear paragraphs that distinguish between the drawbacks and benefits of video games.
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