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Band 6.5

Students in some countries leave school without good understanding of how to manage their money. What do you think are the reasons? What are the solutions to this problem?

#students #countries #school #money
It is true that most
students
 have been managing their finances incorrectly after graduation. There are a variety of possible reasons for
this
,
while
 steps can definitely be taken to tackle the problem. In my view, several main factors are to blame for young people’s lack of capacity for money management.
Firstly
, financial literacy is generally not included in the curriculum. Leaving only
students
 majoring in business-related disciplines with the opportunity to learn about finance.
Secondly
, some
students
 from low-income families may have limited exposure to commercial concepts and practical experience. Some parents do not pay attention to their children's financial management ability, they may encounter some financial frauds.
Finally
, there is a lack of opportunities for graduates to apply financial knowledge in real situations.
Students
’ lack of ability to manage expenditures can certainly be improved. My suggestion is to make financial courses a mandatory part of the university curriculum.
Students
 should learn how to manage their living expenses effectively until they are able to set up their own financial allocation on
yearly
Correct article usage
a yearly
show examples
 basis after graduation.
Also
, implement hands-on workshops and real case studies for
students
 to practice money management, and use related applications and online tools to make learning interactive and engaging. At the same time, it is recommended to provide clubs and
after extra school
Correct your spelling
after-school
show examples
 programs that focus on business education and entrepreneurship, enabling
students
 to fully comprehend concepts from real-life cases. In conclusion, a
rage
Correct your spelling
range
show examples
 of measures can be taken to tackle the problems so that
students
 better manage their money in the future.
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task achievement
To improve task response, consider including more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points more vividly. For instance, providing an example of a country where financial literacy is part of the curriculum could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, use more transition words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. For example, phrases like 'for instance,' 'moreover,' and 'on the other hand' can make the essay more fluid.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive words and phrases where possible. Using synonyms or rephrasing sentences can make the essay more engaging and varied in vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easily readable.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported with logical reasoning, offering a comprehensive view of the problem and solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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