IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
The importance of healthcare cannot be overstated in the well-being and progress of a nation. When it comes to the allocation of government funds, a debate arises as to whether more money should be spent on
health
Use synonyms
 management over other various sectors. It is crystal clear that preventive medicine is of utmost importance,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, I partially agree with the aforementioned statement, I believe the state should have a balanced approach including all other sectors,
such
Linking Words
 as science.
Body · 1
On the one hand, medical management development plays a crucial role in public well-being. Prioritizing healthcare enhancement promotes the public a better physical and mental
health
Use synonyms
 state.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of funding would stimulate accessible and high-quality healthcare services,
consequently
Linking Words
, contributing to extended life expectancy, and boosting life quality in the community. To illustrate, countries like Germany and Japan have made significant investments in wellness programmes, resulting in
becoming
Verb problem
apply
show examples
favourable regions for living with the healthy public.
Body · 2
On the flip side, despite
health
Use synonyms
 protection systems having paramount influence, authorities should not turn a blind eye to other spheres. Education,
for instance
Linking Words
, has tremendous importance in equipping individuals with knowledge and
further
Linking Words
 life skills.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, investment in scientific research and development fosters breakthroughs in various fields, including medicine, technology, and environmental sustainability.
For example
Linking Words
, the schooling system of Switzerland led to its becoming one of the most economically successful countries in the world.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my way of thinking, allocating a great proportion of government funding to
health
Use synonyms
 maintenance would be a wise decision
due to
Linking Words
 the advantages provided in the economic, social and environmental spheres,
however
Linking Words
, the vitality of other sectors should not be overlooked to guarantee a vibrant future of public.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly address the task prompt. Work on better organizing the introduction and conclusion to make them more succinct and direct.
task achievement
Make sure to fully express your agreement or disagreement with the statement in the introduction to clearly demonstrate your position. In addition, consider giving more specific examples to support your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal healthcare
  • preventive medicine
  • public health infrastructure
  • social determinants of health
  • fiscal allocation
  • government expenditure
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • life expectancy
  • pandemic preparedness
  • health equity
  • social safety net
  • holistic approach
  • non-communicable diseases
  • cross-sector collaboration
  • socioeconomic status
What to do next:
Look at other essays: