IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many claims that the fast-food industry had a negative effect on the environment, eating habits, and families. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that the convenience food
industry
Use synonyms
 had a devastating impact on our surroundings and families
as well as
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 influenced unhealthy eating habits.
This
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 essay completely agrees with
this
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 statement because of the negative impacts and challenges that it has contributed to the environment and the community.
This
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 essay will examine my views in detail with relevant examples. 
To begin
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 with, the fast-food
industry
Use synonyms
 has contributed to environmental challenges that we face today
such
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 as land pollution.
That is
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 to say that the plastic packages that are used in
such
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Use synonyms
industry
Correct article usage
an industry
show examples
 caused an increase in landfill sites all over the world, which in turn lowered the quality of the soil.
In addition
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, they are non-biodegradable plastics which cannot  be recycled by any means.
For example
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, it is evident that an average of 30% of land area is dumped with
such
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 plastic materials which has polluted the underground water
due to
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 the release of toxins from the waste. 
Secondly
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,
this
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industry
Use synonyms
 influences unhealthy eating habits among the citizens. People are relying on
such
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 convenience foods mainly because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 affordability and accessibility,
however
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,
such
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 foods have high sugar and salt content which in turn causes health-related issues
such
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 as obesity and high cholesterol.
For instance
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, the World Health Organisation has conducted research and found that one in every five children is impacted by the overweight problem.
Moreover
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,
such
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 unhealthy eating practices impacted their families and pressed healthcare professionals to provide treatments.  In conclusion, it is true that the fast-food
industry
Use synonyms
 has contributed to significant challenges that we are encountering today,
such
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 as environmental pollution, an overweight population, and placing stress on healthcare systems. I believe that the government should take some significant measures to control the widespread issues.

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task achievement
Make sure to fully expand on your main ideas to ensure a complete response to the prompt. While you did agree with the given statement, giving a balanced view with some nuances or recongnizing potential complexities could have enriched your response even further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure with good use of paragraphs to separate ideas. To improve, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and more complex structures. This will enable a smoother flow and clear progression of ideas throughout.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Substantial amount of waste
  • Pollution and landfill overflow
  • Unhealthy fats, sugars, and sodium
  • Obesity and diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Family bonding
  • Communication
  • Establishing healthy eating habits
  • Intensive farming practices
  • Deforestation
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Depletion of natural resources
  • Advertising and marketing
  • Target children
  • Early-age addiction
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