IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some claim that studying abroad has great benefits for a student’s home country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Write 250 words.)

#student’s #home #country
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Some people believe that going to
the
Correct article usage
an
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 overseas
country
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 to study would advance the
student
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’s home
country
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. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
being experienced
Wrong verb form
experiencing
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with
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apply
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a new culture and perspective can shape the
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students
Change noun form
student's
students'
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thought
Correct subject-verb agreement
thoughts
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 and attitudes
that
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apply
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led
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to the
ideas
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idea
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 of developing their own
country
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 in a better way.
To begin
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 with, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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Western countries
such
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 as
UK
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the UK
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,
USA
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the USA
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,
Australia
Correct word choice
and Australia
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 have
adapted
Correct your spelling
adopted
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 the change in their educational systems and policies in
the
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apply
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school
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, which satisfied both
of
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apply
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parents and
students
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 by giving them
a
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the
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 freedom to dress and beautify their own bodies. Constantly, many countries especially in Asia still have
the
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apply
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strict rules that
limited
Wrong verb form
limit
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 the right of
students
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, which can
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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an
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apply
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 the
student
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’s mental health and thought.
However
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, the
students
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 who study abroad
experience
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 flexible rules, which can be beneficial when applied to improve systems back home.
For instance
Linking Words
,
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student
Add an article
a student
the student
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 who
came
Wrong verb form
come
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 from
the
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apply
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strict
school
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 in Asia has an opportunity to
experience
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the
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apply
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high
school
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 life in Australia, which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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shape
Change the form of the verb
shaped
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 them to be more aware that appearance has no impact on academic performance.
This
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 idea will make the
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 in the
school
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 have a right to do things that
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
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 but still under the acceptable rules directed by the
school
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, which can
advantage
Verb problem
help
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 the
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 to still have
a
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apply
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discipline and
can
Verb problem
apply
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cause less conflict between the teacher and
student
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.
Furthermore
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, the
experience
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 of meeting a range of people with
the
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apply
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different cultures, beliefs, and
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 can help
the
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apply
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individuals to develop their attitudes to be more open-minded and learn about acceptance. They were encouraged to learn to
be appreciated
Wrong verb form
appreciate
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about
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apply
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the differences
of
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in
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the
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apply
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culture and language, which can help to resist racism and inequality when they return.
For example
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, a
student
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 who has experienced multiculturalism in the United Kingdom may have a chance to
a
Add a missing verb
be a
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part of social programs to support minority groups in their home.
This
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widens
Wrong verb form
widened
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 perspective can help promote a more inclusive and cohesive society. In conclusion, I believe the
country
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 can gain
a
Correct article usage
apply
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benefit from the
experience
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 of the
students
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 who have been shaped to understand a new environment and culture that can be adapted to use in their
country
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 in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 positive way for the
country
Use synonyms
 to develop.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
While your essay provides relevant examples, adding more diverse examples can strengthen the argument. Consider providing specific cases or data if possible.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a single main idea. Although your essay flows well, balancing the details and avoiding overloading each section can enhance readability.
task achievement
Some sentences could be clearer with slight rephrasing. For instance, use active voice instead of passive to improve clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The essay's introduction effectively presents the writer's stance, setting a strong foundation for arguments that follow.
relevant specific examples
You use relevant examples to illustrate your points, particularly the comparison between educational systems.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion summarizes the main points succinctly and reinforces your position.
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