IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some claim that studying abroad has great benefits for a student’s home country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Write 250 words.)

#student’s #home #country
Some people believe that going to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 overseas
country
 to study would advance the
student
’s home
country
. I strongly agree with
this
 statement because
being experienced
Wrong verb form
experiencing
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a new culture and perspective can shape the
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
show examples
thought
Correct subject-verb agreement
thoughts
show examples
 and attitudes
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to the
ideas
Fix the agreement mistake
idea
show examples
 of developing their own
country
 in a better way.
To begin
 with, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Western countries
such
 as
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Australia
Correct word choice
and Australia
show examples
 have
adapted
Correct your spelling
adopted
show examples
 the change in their educational systems and policies in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
, which satisfied both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parents and
students
 by giving them
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 freedom to dress and beautify their own bodies. Constantly, many countries especially in Asia still have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict rules that
limited
Wrong verb form
limit
show examples
 the right of
students
, which can
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the
student
’s mental health and thought.
However
, the
students
 who study abroad
experience
 flexible rules, which can be beneficial when applied to improve systems back home.
For instance
,
student
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
 who
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict
school
 in Asia has an opportunity to
experience
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
school
 life in Australia, which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
shape
Change the form of the verb
shaped
show examples
 them to be more aware that appearance has no impact on academic performance.
This
 idea will make the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 in the
school
 have a right to do things that
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 but still under the acceptable rules directed by the
school
, which can
advantage
Verb problem
help
show examples
 the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to still have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discipline and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cause less conflict between the teacher and
student
.
Furthermore
, the
experience
 of meeting a range of people with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different cultures, beliefs, and
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals to develop their attitudes to be more open-minded and learn about acceptance. They were encouraged to learn to
be appreciated
Wrong verb form
appreciate
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the differences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
culture and language, which can help to resist racism and inequality when they return.
For example
, a
student
 who has experienced multiculturalism in the United Kingdom may have a chance to
a
Add a missing verb
be a
show examples
part of social programs to support minority groups in their home.
This
widens
Wrong verb form
widened
show examples
 perspective can help promote a more inclusive and cohesive society. In conclusion, I believe the
country
 can gain
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
benefit from the
experience
 of the
students
 who have been shaped to understand a new environment and culture that can be adapted to use in their
country
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive way for the
country
 to develop.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
While your essay provides relevant examples, adding more diverse examples can strengthen the argument. Consider providing specific cases or data if possible.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a single main idea. Although your essay flows well, balancing the details and avoiding overloading each section can enhance readability.
task achievement
Some sentences could be clearer with slight rephrasing. For instance, use active voice instead of passive to improve clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The essay's introduction effectively presents the writer's stance, setting a strong foundation for arguments that follow.
relevant specific examples
You use relevant examples to illustrate your points, particularly the comparison between educational systems.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion summarizes the main points succinctly and reinforces your position.

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