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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally older people. Some people think having a younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organisation #people #leader
Nowadays, in an
organization
, directors and leaders tend to be more senior. Some
people
 argue that a younger leader would be more effective. In my opinion, I partly disagree with
this
 statement because I believe that we
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 ignore the performance of youngsters. First of all, there are two reasons why the young usually face more difficulty in becoming managers compared to the old.
Firstly
, young
people
 now often lack corporate loyalty, because they change jobs and careers more frequently than their predecessors.
This
 can lead them to less trust from their colleagues in an enterprise, which has an adverse impact on consensus and performance.
Secondly
, youngsters
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 less experienced than elder
people
. Those who have gained adequate experience can effectively manage a group or an
organization
.
For example
, in the labour market, when recruiting leaders or directors, most companies require a certain number of years of experience.
However
, I believe that attention should
also
 be given to youngsters. the main reason is that companies need to have a balance of
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
 and creative aspects.
In other words
, young individuals are often suitable to manage teams that need creativity and come up with new insights,
such
 as a media team and an artist team. Because young
people
 are more updated with technologies, and come up with the most innovative initiatives that would help the
organization
 grow.
While
 core teams like operations or human resources are appropriate for the experienced. With accumulated experience, they can help the company solve urgent problems.
Therefore
, an
organization
 would develop more sustainably. In conclusion,
although
 I disagree that critical positions should be given to the young, I believe that the advantages of young
people
 should not be ignored.
Submitted by lamminhkhoi2312 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear opinion is presented and maintained throughout the essay. Your partial disagreement should be explicitly stated in the introduction and summarized in the conclusion for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by making sure each paragraph has a clear central idea, with subsequent sentences supporting that idea without digression.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points. While you mentioned an example related to the recruitment process, more examples of younger individuals' creativity and innovation would make your argument stronger.
lexical resource
Avoid repetition of phrases and strive to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. This will enrich the lexical resource of your essay.
grammatical range and accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical structures and vary your sentence types. Aim for a balance between simple and complex sentences and check for subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and prepositions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • contemporary
  • innovative
  • tech-savvy
  • adaptability
  • mentorship
  • diverse
  • leadership
  • risk-taking
  • reverse mentorship
  • evolving
  • strategic vision
  • dynamism
  • multigenerational
  • experience
  • knowledge transfer
  • caution
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