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Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagrams show Queen Mary Hospital at the three different stages in its development: 1960, 1980 and 2000.

The diagrams show Queen Mary Hospital at the three different stages in its development: 1960, 1980 and 2000.
The diagrams show Queen Mary Hospital at the three different stages in its development: 1960, 1980, and 2000. The provided diagrams illustrate how Queen Mary Hospital developed in 1960, 1980, and 2000. As can be seen from the three maps, the hospital had been developed on the south of the Main Road and had been bigger over time. In 1960, the hospital was in the north of the
area
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, and a shopping
centre
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 was in the west of the hospital.
Besides
Linking Words
, there was a
car
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park
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 in the south of the hospital, and farmland was in the west of the
car
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park
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 and in the south of the shopping
centre
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. By 1980, the shopping
centre
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 had been demolished.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the same
area
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, a cancer
centre
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 had been built, and the hospital had been expanded as a pharmacy.
In addition
Linking Words
, the farmland had been developed, and a nursing school had been constructed. By 2000, the nursing school had been relocated to the part of the west
area
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 of the
car
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park
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, so the
car
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park
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 had been smaller.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the cancer
centre
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 was expanded to the
area
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 located in the nursing school.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words area, centre, car, park with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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