IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
It is argued that to lower the crime rate it is essential to make prison duration longer.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 some
people
 think that there are possible other solutions. In my opinion, giving more time in
prisons
 might be helpful but not for everyone, so it's better to punish differently. Prison is a correctional centre with punishment, so
people
 should attend special lessons and do hard work.
Thus
, In a given period of
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
people
 are supposed to change their minds and stop criminal actions.
Although
, there is something different that affects
people
.
For instance
, in
general
Add a comma
,general
show examples
prisons
 where felons can communicate with each
other
Add a comma
,other
show examples
 there are other rules. There are the main person is the one who can fight and they can do whatever they want even being under arrest. The whole system in most
prisons
 builds by them. The other ones are the victims of
this
 system. That complicated and unfair hierarchy will push them to stop their felonious issues. More time being there can change them more and more.
On the other hand
, we can notice the types of
people
 who are plunged into an illegal world more after prison. Since
people
 can be totally influenced by the social environment, it's possible scenery that they will become worse.
In addition
 to that, prisoner's food and duration are paid by civilian taxes with which
people
 are not satisfied. Most of them suggest coming back for earlier methods of torture,
such
 as an electrical chair, boiled water and beating with hunger.
This
 is cruel but effective since
people
 will do anything in front of fear. Taking everything into account,
prisons
 can take
people
 to right way but not always, physical abuse is another better and more efficient way than most
people
 think. I
also
 agree with the second statement that felons have to be threatened with cruelty.
Submitted by telagisova.07 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: