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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the different forms in which fish were sold in 1950 and 1985

The charts below show the different forms in which fish were sold in 1950 and 1985
The two pie charts provide information about
global
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the global
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fish
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 market in 1950 and 1985. In general, the number of
sales
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 increased significantly in
35-years
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35 years
 time.
Initially
Linking Words
, fresh
fish
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 was the largest commodity. As time went by,
fish
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 as animal
meal
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meals
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 took over the largest market. In the first chart, the total
sales
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 in 1950
was
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were
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 21,000,000 tonnes and
was
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were
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 dominated by fresh
fish
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 with 50%. Cured
fish
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 took up 33% of the
sales
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 that year. The other 17% consisted of animal
meal
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meals
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, canned
fish
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, and frozen
fish
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 which were 10%, 6%, and 1% respectively. In the second chart, the total
sales
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 in 1985
was
Change the verb form
were
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 76,000,000 tonnes, which was three times larger than 1950’s figure. In
this
Linking Words
 period, the
sales
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 in animal meal form were the largest with 32%. Canned
fish
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, which contributed
small
Correct article usage
a small
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 percentage in
previous
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the previous
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 period was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second place with 22%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of fresh
fish
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 and cured
fish
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 sold decreased significantly to 20% for the former and to 13% for the latter.
Finally
Linking Words
, frozen
fish
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sales
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 increased noticeably by 12% to 13%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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