Some people argue that all young people should be required to attend full time school until they are at least 18 years old. What do you extent agree or disagree

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Some
people
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argue that all young
people
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should be required to attend full-time
school
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until they are at least 18 years old.
While
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I agree that attending full-time
school
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offers certain benefits, I believe that young
people
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have other valuable educational options that might better suit their needs. On the one hand, attending full-time
school
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provides young
people
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with several benefits.
Firstly
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, focusing entirely on academic studies enables
students
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to achieve better academic performance, which can open up more opportunities for higher education.
For example
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, top universities in Vietnam often select outstanding
students
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based on their high
school
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achievements.
Secondly
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, full-time schooling helps
students
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develop essential skills
such
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as leadership and communication, which are vital for building self-confidence and preparing for future success.
On the other hand
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, young
people
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have alternative educational paths that may better align with their individual needs and aspirations. One
such
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option is homeschooling, which allows
students
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to dedicate more time to their hobbies and engage in physical activities to improve their
overall
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health. With access to the
internet
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Internet
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, they can study anytime and anywhere, providing flexibility and freedom from strict
school
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schedules.
Additionally
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, some
students
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might choose to balance part-time work with schooling.
This
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enables them to earn money, easing their families' financial burdens,
while
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also
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fostering independence.
Moreover
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, gaining real-world experience through work equips them with practical skills that are invaluable for their future careers. In conclusion,
while
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attending full-time
school
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until the age of 18 can offer significant benefits, young
people
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have other viable options,
such
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as homeschooling or combining part-time work with education. These alternatives can provide flexibility, real-world experience, and opportunities for personal growth, making them worthwhile choices for many.
Submitted by nguyennguyet.vcu on

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task achievement
To improve task response, you could provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points, especially regarding the benefits of full-time schooling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion and introduction are perfectly aligned with your arguments to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction and conclusion that align well with the main body.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Clear evidence of understanding of the task with a balanced discussion on different educational paths.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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