IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people say that the best way to improve public health is by incraesing sports facilities. others, however, say that this would have a little effect on puclic health and that other measures are required.

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In these
Change preposition
These
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 days,
general
Correct article usage
the general
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 public believe that their lifestyle can be improved in the aspect of
health
Use synonyms
 by increasing the
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of sports centres around them
However
Linking Words
, some people disagree
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 statement by arguing that there is no relation between
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 and public
health
Use synonyms
 and
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 need other requirements.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both sides of the
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
show examples
 and try to draw some conclusions. Some people believe that
getting
Change preposition
by getting
show examples
 access to
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 centres
such
Linking Words
 as gyms, swimming pools and tennis courts
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc, they can achieve
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 body.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
the
Change preposition
with the
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 growing
numbers
Use synonyms
 of physical
facilities
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct your spelling
the
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 point that they can enjoy
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 machines even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 have little time on a busy day
due to
Linking Words
facilities
Use synonyms
 near their home.
Additionally
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, people can discover easily
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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what kind of
sport
Use synonyms
 they prefer when they can see various activities in their
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can
be argue
Change the verb form
be argued
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 that some
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 cannot attract the public unless they eat healthy foods, keep personal hygiene and their environment.
Next,
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to improve citizens’
health
Use synonyms
, they suggest that government need to set some rules for food safety by checking cooking ingredients and food production process and for cleanliness by providing knowledge of unhygienic ways of living.
Also
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, suggesting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information on how to keep citizens’ daily lives healthy even if they have to stay at home. In conclusion, I believe that government should hold public forums and
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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 to give
health
Use synonyms
 knowledge and encourage them to keep themselves clean and their environment to get a clean and healthy neighbourhood,
instead
Linking Words
 of increasing the
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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