Some parents buy their kids a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of a child having a large number of toys?

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In
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

day and age, parents tend to purchase their children a great amount of entertainment tools.
While
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this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is a very debated subject in psychology books, the main advantage in
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

case would be the fact that through toys,
grown ups
Add a hyphen
grown-ups

It seems that grown ups is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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assure their children's happiness.
On the other hand
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, one of the most problematic disadvantages would be that kids end up being excessively spoiled.
An advantage
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Advantage

The indefinite article, An, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun advantage in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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and the most important reason for buying an irrational number of toys is for parents to see their kids excited and overjoyed.
Moreover
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,
this
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purchase buys them
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as well.
This
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is because
instead
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of wasting
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

on planning elaborate activities, adults prefer buying
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

through entertainment tools.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many family friends of mine prefer going to the store before kindergarten to
assure
Verb problem
ensure

There may be a verb use issue here.

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their toddler does not cry, or after to ensure that for the rest of the evening until bedtime their baby would be busy.
While
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

method is surely effective for the reasons above, quality
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is usually more appreciated in the long run. An obvious disadvantage is that young people who get used to getting everything they want become extremely entitled.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, children who are used to receiving everything they want at any
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of the day, usually cannot integrate well
in
Change preposition
into

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society

It seems that societies may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, whether it is their school or their future workplace.
For example
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, they end up actually manipulating their parents in order to have things their way. The reason for
that is
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the fact that
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of explaining calmly and discussing, the sound of their kid crying is so unbearable for some people that they just get them what they want. So, they understand that tantrums and crying help them reach their goal. In conclusion, entertainment tools are necessary for the young generation, but that does not mean that adults must exaggerate with them. I believe that balancing a healthy amount of
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

spent together combined with toys is the perfect key to a happy and healthy child.
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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure smooth transitions to improve coherence.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and varied examples to support your main points.
task achievement
Work on elaborating ideas more logically and clearly to increase clarity.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-presented and clear.
task achievement
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages comprehensively.
task achievement
Relevant examples are included to illustrate the points effectively.
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