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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many cities, many people are living in large apartment bock. Does this accommodation have more advantages or disadvantages

#cities #people #apartment #bock #accommodation
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Most
people
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 have their preferences to choose the place that they would reside, particularly apartments, which have been increasingly popular in some cities because individuals mostly choose to stay in that kind of accommodation. In my opinion, I believe choosing to live in an
apartment
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 would bring positive impacts,
such
Linking Words
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 homeless
people
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 and a better environment. Living in an
apartment
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 can significantly reduce the homeless population since it provides cheaper and more affordable places for
people
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 who are at risk financially.
This
Linking Words
 will help them to secure a home as they can fulfil their basic needs, including sleeping, bathing, and eating.
For instance
Linking Words
, individuals who have low incomes can obtain
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper accommodation so that they do not have to struggle to pay
an
Change preposition
for an
show examples
 overpriced house.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the more individuals opt to live in an
apartment
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, the lower the homeless
people
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 rate will be.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the area will be less cramped and more open spaces will be available, which can be utilized for planting trees since they are not being used for constructing houses. To exemplify, some particular cities that are mainly built for apartments have wider areas to build parks and green spaces, which greatly contributes to the availability of fresh air and healthier environments.
Hence
Linking Words
, if the area is primarily built for parks rather than a building, it will provide a good environment for the public. To summarize, deciding to stay in large
apartment
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 blocks would be a viable option because it will positively impact
people
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's lives and their environments by allowing them to own a place that could be used for their daily activities and creating healthier areas to stay.
Submitted by hanalyaa29 on

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task achievement
Provide additional contrasting points or counterarguments to enrich the discussion. While the essay effectively highlights the advantages of living in large apartment blocks, acknowledging potential disadvantages will lead to a more balanced response.
coherence cohesion
Continue to develop smooth transitions between different paragraphs to maintain a fluent flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay offers a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully framing and encapsulating the main discussion.
task achievement
Each paragraph effectively supports the main points with relevant examples, enhancing the clarity and understanding of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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