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Band 6.5

It is predicted that robots are going to become increasingly important in our lives. How could robots be used in the future? Will this development be a positive or a negative development?

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In
this
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 day and age, robots are integrated into every human’s life in one way or another: whether it is the automatic vacuum cleaner or the ones found in some hospitals.
Therefore
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, machines will be incorporated even more into people’s lives in the future, as engineering advances.
However
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,
this
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 development is not necessarily a positive one, as it will replace many activities.
Firstly
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, they will be highly used in the future based on how fast the world is changing and how many new patterns and algorithms are discovered daily.
This
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 means that they will be able to replace professions that require human interaction,
such
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 as front desk managers and even more complex tasks,
such
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 as bank workers.
For example
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, many assignments are not needed already at the bank
due to
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 artificial intelligence, which can now complete Excel spreadsheets and even predict the market. So, as engineering is
also
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 developing in
such
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 a rapid way, it is highly believed that in a short period of time, humans will not be needed to even double-check the final results.
Secondly
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,
this
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 development has a rather negative impact on society
overall
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, as many posts will disappear
and
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, and
show examples
 life will become more sedentary.
Moreover
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,
this
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 will create an economic crisis because people who have spent their whole lives working in the same field will suddenly need to learn new skills and adapt. As an example of the sedentary lifestyle, even now , because of the phones, an increasing number of people are beginning to have issues with their backs, as their posture is more bent to the front. So, if robots were to do even more of people’s chores, society would not be as active because they would not need to.
To conclude
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, it is important to understand that our world is developing fast , and robots will interfere more and more with everybody’s daily routine.
This
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 is why it is very important not to turn a blind eye
,
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apply
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 but to be realistic about both the positive and the negative outcomes.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly how robots may be used, and say more clearly why this is mostly negative.
task response
Add one or two more future uses of robots, like care for old people, driving, or home help.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some points need more support. Explain more how job loss and less activity may happen.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic more closely. The phone example is a bit far from robots.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this good structure.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences feel long or jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea only, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words like first, also, because, so, and as a result, but do not use too many.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your view is clear: you think this change is mostly negative.
task response
You give examples about banks and daily life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow most of the time.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and helps the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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