IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Consumers are faced with increasing number of advertisements from competing companies.to what extent do you think are consumers influenced by the advertisement? what are the measures can be taken to protect them?

#consumers #advertisements #companies #advertisement #measures
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These days, customers are often attacked by competing companies in a way that they might be under pressure to choose a service from one company over another. Many are affected by the advertisement that they buy something that they do not really need. Being critical and having strong ideas might help to reduce the impact of aggressive marketing campaigns. It is hard to disagree that commercials may create an illusion that some services or some goods are absolutely a must for any modern and successful person. They sell the image of being popular and loved as soon as consumer buy their products. Not many can resist
such
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 a temptation.
Thus
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, most likely people are strongly affected by advertisements when make a choice.
For example
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, many customers buy iPhones just because it is popular and famous, and they would like to be famous as well.
Nevertheless
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, there are some methods to decrease the influence of
such
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 marketing. First of all, it is to educate people about the economy, marketing strategies and their impact and develop critical minds. Everyone should always ask themselves whether they really need that product and why they want
this
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 particular brand.
Secondly
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, conscious consumption is what should be taught to every human being. Being reasonable in their shopping habits and getting some time to know a little bit more about suggested services and products, their quality and way of use and not forgetting about their effect on ecology will help to make the right decision on their own. In conclusion, even if the public's image of services and goods may seriously affect the level of their consumption, and many people might be persuaded to buy and use them, there are still ways to sever
such
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 an influence by educating potential customers and providing more information about what is being sold.
Submitted by natallia.khrenava on

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task response
The essay addresses the task to a satisfactory extent, providing both views and measures to protect consumers. However, more concrete examples and a deeper analysis of the measures can enhance the task response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the logical structure could be improved by organizing the main points in a more coherent manner.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is fairly varied, but there is room for improvement in using more precise vocabulary related to the topic. Try to use more specific and relevant terminology to convey ideas effectively.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is sufficient, but the essay would benefit from a wider range of complex sentence structures. Using a variety of sentence types and more advanced grammatical structures can enhance the fluency of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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