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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
#visits #two #music #sites #web
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In
this
Linking Words
graph
Add a comma
,graph
show examples
 we can see people's choices among two new
music
Use synonyms
 sites
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the web. Despite,
this
Linking Words
 only
shows
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
 a short
peorid
Correct your spelling
period
 of time which is 15
days
Use synonyms
, there are some serious changes here. Between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
days
Use synonyms
 1-
11
Add a comma
,11
show examples
Music
Use synonyms
choice
Use synonyms
 is much more visitable than
Pop
Use synonyms
Parade
Use synonyms
. Actually, when you look at the graph you can say that
Music
Use synonyms
Choice
Use synonyms
 is mostly preferred by the people.
Pop
Use synonyms
Parade
Use synonyms
 made a poor start to the 15days period. But between the
days
Use synonyms
 12-15 results
arent
Correct your spelling
aren't
show examples
that bad for them. When you look at
Music
Use synonyms
Choice
Use synonyms
's visits, you will see perfect starts
except
Add the preposition
forexcept
show examples
 few
days
Use synonyms
. The most visiting record belongs to
Music
Use synonyms
Choice
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
day 15 with 18000 people. And the least visiting record belongs to
Pop
Use synonyms
Parade
Use synonyms
 on the
Use synonyms
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
 4 which
isnt
Correct your spelling
isn't
 very surprising.
Pop
Use synonyms
Parade
Use synonyms
 is more visited on only 2
days
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 shows
dominance
Add an article
the dominance
a dominance
show examples
 of
Music
Use synonyms
choice
Use synonyms
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, we can say that
Music
Use synonyms
Choice
Use synonyms
's stats are much better
Submitted by tukezaliyeva96 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words music, days, choice, pop, parade with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Comparison
  • Number of visits
  • Trends
  • Period
  • Increases
  • Decreases
  • Stability
  • Factors
  • Influenced
  • Marketing strategies
  • User interface
  • Variety of music
  • Peak times
  • Reasons
  • Promotional events
  • Long-term sustainability
  • Growth prospects
  • Graph
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