The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

#visits #two #music #sites #web

this

graph

Add a comma

,graph

show examples

we can see people's choices among two new

music

sites

Change preposition

show examples

the web. Despite,

this

only

shows

Wrong verb form

showing

show examples

a short

peorid

Correct your spelling

period

of time which is 15

days

, there are some serious changes here. Between

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

days

Add a comma

,11

show examples

Music

choice

is much more visitable than

Pop

Parade

. Actually, when you look at the graph you can say that

Music

Choice

is mostly preferred by the people.

Pop

Parade

made a poor start to the 15days period. But between the

days

12-15 results

arent

Correct your spelling

aren't

show examples

that bad for them. When you look at

Music

Choice

's visits, you will see perfect starts

except

Add the preposition

forexcept

show examples

few

days

. The most visiting record belongs to

Music

Choice

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

day 15 with 18000 people. And the least visiting record belongs to

Pop

Parade

on the

days

Fix the agreement mistake

day

show examples

4 which

isnt

Correct your spelling

isn't

very surprising.

Pop

Parade

is more visited on only 2

days

This

shows

dominance

Add an article

the dominance

a dominance

show examples

Music

choice

Change preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

conclusion, we can say that

Music

Choice

's stats are much better

Submitted by tukezaliyeva96 on Tue Jul 11 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Add some linking words.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words music, days, choice, pop, parade with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.

▼

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1Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

163 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?

The education of young people is the main priority in countries around the world. Some people believe that educating adults who cannot read or write is essential for the society and more funding should be made available for it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, people wear more Western-style clothes (e.g. jeans and T-shirts) than their traditional clothes. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

Most people accept that we now live in a globalized world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. To what extent is globalization a positive or negative development?

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?