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Band 6

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #school
Nowadays, there
widespread
Add a missing verb
is widespread
show examples
 discussion for the effective method to increase the
performance
 of
students
 in
school
. It is said that pupils perform best in
school
 when they are rewarded
instead
 of punished. I totally agree with
this
 statement.
To begin
 with, there
several
Add a missing verb
are several
show examples
 reasons why I believe that
incentivize
Wrong verb form
incentivising
show examples
students
 in
school
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 effective way to encourage
students
 to perform well better than
punish
Wrong verb form
punishing
show examples
 them.
Firstly
, punishments
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
 can have
a negative impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a negative impact
negative impacts
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
performance
.
This
 is because punishments on the
school
 put the
students
 under pressure, which makes them
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more vulnerable to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 mental health issues namely, depression, anxiety, introvert.
Consequently
, punishments can
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
students
 struggle to
foucs
Correct your spelling
focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their studies, and
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their
performance
 negatively.
Furthermore
, children
under
Add a missing verb
are under
show examples
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
 stage, because their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
 the stage of development ,which means
punished
Wrong verb form
punishing
show examples
students
 can
harmful
Add a missing verb
be harmful
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their brain as well
performance
 in
school
.
Secondly
, I believe if the
school
 provide
incentives
 for their pupils can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 a
postivie
Correct your spelling
positive
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
performance
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
incentives
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 the
school
 more competitive , which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can motivate
students
 to work hard in order to gain
this
Change the determiner
this incentive
these incentives
show examples
incentives
.
For example
, some teachers
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 their
students
 who accomplish
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 scores gifts
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 money, toys,
free
Add an article
a free
show examples
 ticket to
trip
Correct article usage
a trip
show examples
 abroad.
Therefore
,
students
 see the
school
 as
Correct article usage
a postive
show examples
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 environment, and
then
 they perform well in their studies.
To sum up
, I totally believe that
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
rewarded
Replace the word
rewards
show examples
 for
students
 in the
school
 is the better way to maximize the
perfromance
Correct your spelling
performance
of
students
 than
punshiments
Correct your spelling
punishments
punishment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
incentives
 for pupils makes the
school
Correct article usage
an encorageing
show examples
encorageing
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 environment.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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